Today show style editor Bobbie Thomas has penned a heartbreaking essay about the ‘enormous weight of loss’ she feels after her husband died in December at the age of 42.
The 46-year-old announced Michael Marion’s passing on December 6, 2020, a year-and-a-half after the father-of-one suffered a stroke at age 40.
Now, months later, Bobbie is opening up about how she is dealing with grief in an emotional essay for Today.
‘The truth is that I feel deeply alone, even when so many wonderful people have reached out with messages of hope, love and support. Pain is such a universal emotion, yet we still haven’t figured out how to be OK with it,’ she wrote.
Tragic: Today show host Bobbie Thomas has written a heartbreaking essay about the ‘enormous weight of loss’ she feels after her husband died in December at the age of 42
Loss: The 46-year-old style editor announced Michael Marion’s passing on December 6, 2020, a year-and-a-half after the father-of-one suffered a stroke at age 40
Love: Bobbie and Michael, a lawyer, met through friends 13 years ago and tied the knot in 2013
Bobbie and Michael, a lawyer, met through friends 13 years ago and tied the knot in 2013.
They had a son together, Miles, and in May of 19, Michael suffered a stroke.
He slowly seemed to improve, and a year later was was walking with assistance — but his health ultimately took a turn and he died before the end of last year.
Bobbie looked back at the course of their ‘real love story,’ which began with Bobbie unsure if she wanted to marry — but Michael ‘relentlessly’ pursuing her.
‘I remember talking to friends about how he was so unlike anyone I had ever dated. He was so sure I was his and had this quiet confidence that made me feel beautiful and safe despite him being four years younger,’ she said.
They married at Kathie Lee Gifford’s house and began trying to conceive, ultimately resorting to IVF and welcoming a son.
And then Michael was tragically taken from her.
‘I didn’t know when we met that we would only get 13 years. No one ever knows that kind of thing,’ she said. ‘I will continue living this life without him for as long as I’m given and cherish the 13 years he gave to me. I know that time is worth celebrating, but it’s hard to celebrate while you’re hurting.’
‘The truth is that I feel deeply alone, even when so many wonderful people have reached out with messages of hope, love and support,’ she wrote
‘Grief is a riddle. It has a beginning but no end, and it can hit you out of nowhere and cause you to react in mystifying ways,’ she wrote
Flashback: Bobbie is pictured with Michael and their son Miles
Holding on: Bobbie said she doesn’t want to get ‘rid of’ her pain, since it’s her connection to her late husband
Bobbie wrote that at first, after Michael died, she often felt the need to make other people feel comfortable when they struggled to know what to do or say.
After several months, though, she realized she didn’t have to push down her own pain.
‘Grief is a riddle. It has a beginning but no end, and it can hit you out of nowhere and cause you to react in mystifying ways. Sometimes it feels like hunger, other times like exhaustion. It’s impossible to contain or to explain,’ she wrote.
She described how she now likes to smell Michael’s old T-shirts, which has a calming effect on her as she faces ‘the enormous weight of loss that I now carry with me everywhere.’ But she is ‘terrified’ by the knowledge that one day, the shirts will no longer smell like him.
As horrible as it is, though, Bobbie said she doesn’t want to get ‘rid of’ her pain, since it’s her connection to her late husband.
‘It’s awful and uncomfortable and all-consuming, but it’s also precious,’ she said.
She wants her pain to have purpose, too, so she’s making a point to pass on the wisdom she’s gained and resources she’s used to other people who are suffering. In particular, she cites he Wendt Center and The Grief Coach.
She described how she now likes to smell Michael’s old T-shirts, which has a calming effect on her as she faces ‘the enormous weight of loss that I now carry with me everywhere’
Last year, Bobbie shared several photos with her husband as she announced his death on Instagram
‘One thing we all have is kindness. Absorb it, extend it, exhaust it. Because in the end, the ONLY thing that matters is love,’ she said
Last year, Bobbie shared several photos with her husband as she announced his death on Instagram.
‘Nothing is normal. Maybe nothing will ever be normal again. For me, it won’t. My husband is gone,’ she wrote.
‘With all the fear, anger, and division going on in the world right now, it’s so easy to get upset about the lack of normalcy. But I beg you, everyone reading this, hold onto what you do have right now instead of focusing on what you don’t.
‘One thing we all have is kindness. Absorb it, extend it, exhaust it. Because in the end, the ONLY thing that matters is love. If you’re lucky enough to have it, please appreciate it, every moment, every day. Especially during the hard parts.
‘There will never be enough time and some of our forevers are much too short. As I type through tears, I embrace gratitude … holding our precious son Miles and memories, of the time I did have with Michael, closer to my broken heart.
‘Thank you all for the love and support you’ve shown us and our families. Please go hug the people you love,’ she concluded.