There is a guy with ten long fingers
creepy glares and hugs that linger.
If you’re a woman, You’re not a fan.
I speak, of course, of The Handsy Man.
Handsy Man, based on the news,
you seem to be a bit confused.
Listen and I’ll explain to you
all the things you may not do.
You may not compliment my butt.
You may not call me “ho” or “slut.”
And even if you’re stoned of drunk,
do not expose me to your junk.
And if I am your employee
don’t rest your hand upon my knee.
No, I won’t sit on your lap.
I shouldn’t have to say this crap.
You cannot smell my hair you creep,
or grab my boobs while I’m asleep.
I do not want a back massage.
Did you follow me into the parking garage?
I do not like you Handsy Man.
You’re not allowed to touch my can.
Not on a plane. Not on a train.
Not on your boat. Not in a moat.
Not in a tree. Not by the sea.
Not in your mansion. Help me, Chris Hansen!
So Handsy Man, if you’re still confused
whether your behavior will be excused
I’ll say it clearly, nice and slow:
If she doesn’t consent — the answer is NO.