The furious mother of a six-year-old transgender girl has condemned school teachers who she said banned her daughter from hugging other children and insisted she used the boys’ toilets.
Despite her living as a girl called Emma Smith for a year with the complete backing of her parents, Amy and Kevin Smith, teachers also insisted on using the youngster’s male name, Colton.
Amy, 43, from North Carolina, said: ‘The way Emma was treated by teachers taught the rest of her classmates that refusing to respect who she was is okay. It was horrendous.’
Emma Smith, 6, been living as a girl for a year with the backing of her parents but her mother says her school insisted on using the youngster’s male name, Colton, and wouldn’t let her use the girls’ toilet
Amy, with Colton as a baby, has condemned school teachers who she said banned her daughter from hugging other children and insisted she used the boys’ toilets
‘She was told at first that she’d have to use the boys’ restroom, but because she was dressed as a girl, she worried about getting picked on or teased so a couple of times, she wet herself instead.
‘She was even told she wasn’t allowed to hug anyone. I told her that of course she could, so long as it was consenting and the other person wanted to be hugged. I’ve explained to her many times that just because someone is a grown up, it doesn’t mean they’re right.
‘I tried to forgive the school because I thought they were learning, but what they did was very damaging.’
Amy said her daughter – who moved to a new school in August 2017 – first made her aware she felt female when she was just three-years-old.
Screaming and crying if she was dressed in boys’ clothes, she would tell everyone she was a girl.
‘Emma would be so distressed if we dressed her in boys’ clothes. I could see she was going through such an internal struggle, and trying to tell me in every language a child that young can use that she wasn’t happy,’ she said.
‘In the beginning, I wanted to keep a calm house, so I’d let her wear girls’ clothes when she was inside and dress her in boys’ outfits if we went out, to avoid nasty comments and millions of questions.
‘Looking back, I have a lot of guilt about that.’
Amy explained that Emma, pictured, left, before Pride festival, was told at first that she’d have to use the boys’ restroom, but because she was dressed as a girl, she worried about getting picked on or teased so a couple of times, she wet herself instead
Father Kevin, with Emma and brother Miller at Pride, realised they had to support her wishes
Already well aware of how different she was to her brothers, Logan, 17 and Miller, seven – shunning typical boys’ interests in favour of more feminine toys and clothes
At first, Amy and Kevin, 45, who run a repossession company together, wondered if her behaviour was just a phase.
But, after taking their daughter to a therapist when she was five, they realised that while she had been born biologically a boy, she was actually transgender.
Already well aware of how different she was to her brothers, Logan, 17 and Miller, seven – shunning typical boys’ interests in favour of more feminine toys and clothes – Amy and Kevin realised they had to support her wishes.
‘This wasn’t a passing phase,’ said Amy. ‘Even if she was born Colton, Emma was clearly who she was.’
Confused themselves about how best to handle what their daughter was going through, they took to the internet, spending hours researching and talking to other parents of transgender children.
‘We spent endless nights Googling, trying to understand if a child that young can even be transgender,’ said Amy.
‘I must’ve ordered about eight different books off Amazon to help me understand. Reading the signs of someone with gender dysphoria – when there’s a mismatch between their biological sex and gender identity – every single one was there.’
‘This wasn’t a passing phase,’ said Amy. ‘Even if she was born Colton, Emma was clearly who she was,’ said her mother
Amy and Kevin have started to put money aside to help pay for her transition
Her parents say that if Emma, pictured here as Colton, says she can use the money towards her transition when she’s oldder if that’s what she wants
And when the therapist told them Emma was transgender, it only confirmed what, deep down, they already knew.
Amy continued: ‘It was a huge relief to know what was happening and to have clarification that we’d done the right thing.
‘At first, Kevin had a hard time, while I went into mama bear mode and just wanted to protect Emma.
‘Kevin soon came round though, and now he says he has no idea what he found so strange, or why he couldn’t see that was just who she was.
‘Emma was never confused about who she was – it was us who were confused. But once we realised, it was like a lightbulb moment.’
Shortly after visiting the therapist, Emma asked people to ditch her former name – Colton – for good.
And, since starting a new school, where staff are highly supportive, her mum said she is like a ‘different child,’ – and even wants to be a teacher herself.
Despite Emma being far happier, Amy still faces constant criticism from other parents, who have accused her of forcing her child to be someone she is not.
She explained: ‘People assume I wanted a daughter – that’s always the first thing that comes up. I’ve been accused of ruining my ‘son’s’ life, but all I want to do is let her express herself and be happy.
‘People don’t have to agree, but they have to respect me enough, as a parent, to trust me to make the right decision for my child.’
Meanwhile, Amy and Kevin have started to put money aside to help pay for her transition, if Emma says that is what she wants when she’s old enough to make an informed decision.
Currently, such treatment is not covered by the couple’s health insurance, so they are determined to fund it themselves, setting up a GoFundMe page for those who wish to help.
Discussing how Emma’s father felt about the situation, Amy explained: ‘Kevin soon came round though, and now he says he has no idea what he found so strange, or why he couldn’t see that was just who she was’
Emma told her parents right from the start who she was, and even if the rest of the world doesn’t accept her, they say they ‘absolutely will’
Amy is also keen to urge others to rethink the way transgender children are treated, especially in light of recent statistics released by LGBT charity Stonewall, claiming that a shocking 48 per cent of transgender students in Britain said they had attempted suicide.
‘I want people to educate themselves,’ she said. ‘Just because you haven’t seen something happen first hand, doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
‘I was once ignorant too, and wondered if being transgender was a choice, but seeing Emma’s struggle, I know now she was born this way.
‘Children know who they are and they speak very loudly, if we’re willing to listen to them. Emma told us right from the start who she was, and even if the rest of the world doesn’t accept her, we absolutely will.’
Her mother concluded: ‘A lot of people criticise us, but those that meet Emma know she’s 100 per cent female. She’s my little girl and I love her to bits’
Kevin added: ‘When you’ve seen your child as a boy for the first few years of a life, then she’s living as a girl, it takes getting used to.
‘It was never Emma not knowing, though. She’s always known. It was just us figuring out who she was.
‘A lot of people criticise us, but those that meet Emma know she’s 100 per cent female. She’s my little girl and I love her to bits.’
Bex Stinson, Head of Trans Inclusion at Stonewall, said: ‘Our research shows that more than two in five trans young people have attempted to take their own life, and one in five lesbian, gay and bi students who aren’t trans have done the same. This is because many young people feel unwelcome at school and have no one to talk to; for those also experiencing mental health issues this can be extremely challenging.
‘Much more needs to be done to protect and look after young LGBT people. We will continue to work with schools to provide teachers with the skills and information they need so they know how to support LGBT students. It’s essential that those who might be questioning their gender identity or sexual orientation know that they are not alone.’
To donate, visit www.gofundme.com/emmas-transgender-journey