Middle-aged people are more likely to have affairs because it’s a time when they start ‘reliving unresolved childhood traumas’ and ‘cover their pain by cheating’, marital guru claims
- Therapist Andrew G. Marshall revealed the surprising reasons people cheat
- He said it’s caused by unresolved childhood trauma and being a ‘people pleaser’
- The counsellor says affairs start when a ‘people pleaser’ becomes ‘selfish’
- Often middle aged couples worry about the meaning of the life and marriage
A marital counsellor has claimed the rise in middle-aged spouses having affairs is often down to them reliving their childhood traumas.
Therapist Andrew G Marshall, who is based in the UK and Berlin, has revealed the three deeper psychological reasons a married person might physically cheat or start an emotional affair behind their partner’s back.
He explained that affairs could happen as a result of addiction issues, as well as unresolved childhood traumas, which suddenly become highlighted in later years.
A recent survey showed a rise in middle age affairs, with some 20 per cent of spouses over the age of 55 confessing to having an affair, while just 14 per cent of those under 55 admitted to cheating.
Andrew G Marshall, who is based in the UK and Berlin, has revealed the three deeper psychological reasons a married person might physically cheat (file image)
Andrew, who has written 19 books on marriage, told datingroo: ‘People pleasers hope that other people will know what they really want, so they go along with what everybody else wants.
‘Then suddenly they will switch to the completely opposite direction to become the most selfish person possible.’
Another reason a spouse might start an extramarital affair includes unresolved childhood trauma, like the death of a sibling.
Instead of realising and dealing with the root cause of unhappiness, he claims that people think having an affair will make them feel better.
Andrew added: ‘There is something about being middle-aged. It brings back those unresolved child issues.
People pleasers spend their lives trying to make others happy because they think it will make them happy, Andrew (pictured) told online dating comparison site datingroo
‘They are thinking, I am going to have sex and that will make me happy. That is how they cover up this pain.’
The final reason is addiction, when a drunken encounter can lead to a full blown affair.
Andrew said: ‘I have often seen people who are gambling addicts who will often have an affair because addiction is going to cross over.’
Andrew believes that middle-aged couples often start reflecting on their lives once they hit their fifties, and realise they aren’t where they thought they would be.
He believes this leads them to start searching for happiness elsewhere, often resulting in an affair.
Andrew also revealed the number of people committing adultery is higher than might be expected, with a third of his clients dealing with the problem.
He admits ‘statistics are very high’ but says what unhappy spouses think will be ‘real love’ is usually actually just ‘fantasy’.
To save a marriage after adultery Andrew advises complete honesty and a full apology where the person who cheated explains exactly what they are sorry for, and the acknowledgement of deeper feelings.
Recent research showed that just 14 per cent of those under 55 admitted to cheating (file image)