Waterloo Road star Holly Matthews opened up about the moment she told her young daughters their father was dying in a heart-wrenching television interview.
Speaking on Lorraine this morning, Holly, 32, revealed how she had to ‘pull the rug’ from under Brooke, six, and Texas, four, to give them time to say goodbye to their father Ross Blair before he lost his battle with brain cancer.
She said: ‘I was terrified to tell them, I felt sick, but I knew with brain cancer you deteriorate, we may not have got the situation where Ross would act appropriately.’
The mother-of-two also told how her daughters’ ‘direct’ questions about their father’s death force her to ‘walk through the grief’ and address her emotions.
Property developer Ross, 32, died in Coventry Myton Hospice, Warwickshire, in July following a three-year battle with a rare brain tumour.
Coping with grief: Actress Holly Matthews, 32, described the moment she told her daughters Brooke, six, and Texas, four, that their father Ross Blair was dying of brain cancer
Final goodbyes: The mother-of-two said she wanted to tell her daughter’s about their father’s diagnosis to give them time to say goodbye and to grieve. Pictured, the family together
Treasured memories: Holly told Lorraine how Ross started to deteriorate quickly shortly after the family had returned from a holiday to the Caribbean in May, pictured
Fans of the BBC actress had been following the family’s heartbreaking journey after Holly began blogging about Ross’ prognosis.
Today Holly appeared on Lorraine to talk about how the family is coping nearly two months on from Ross’s death.
She described how she wrestled with the decision to tell her young daughters that they would soon lose their father.
Holly told Lorraine: ‘They knew [that their dad wasn’t well], but it wasn’t something tangible, so it wasn’t something where…it was “Oh dad’s got brain cancer.” What does that mean to a four-year-old and a six-year-old?
‘And when we knew that the reality was that there was nothing they could do and that Ross was dying, I had the feeling that I needed to tell them.
Holly told how she spent the last four weeks of Ross’s life at his bedside in the hospice
Grieving: Holly described how she is adapting to life without her husband by her side
‘I felt like I was waiting to pull the rug from under them. And my six-year-old is super smart and I knew she knew.
‘It was on the tip of her tongue, she kind of wanted to ask and she was skirting around it.’
Holly made the decision after seeking advice from TV presenter Jeff Brazier, who had to help his own sons cope with the death of their mother, Jade Goody.
She said: ‘He phoned me and we spoke, and he gave me to the confidence… It backed up what my intuition was telling me and he said: “You need to tell them, you must tell them. Just like adults, they need to grieve before, they need to say sorry, or I love you, they need to say goodbye”. That didn’t make it easy, I was terrified to tell them.’
The former Casualty actress knew she only had a limited amount of time before the cancer would begin to eat away at Ross’s brain function.
‘I was terrified to tell them, I felt sick, but I knew with brain cancer you deteriorate, we may not have got the situation where Ross would act appropriately,’ she continued.
‘My six-year-old just said “say it” she knew. He acted appropriately and gave them a cuddle. He might not have been connected fully but it was enough.’
Daily reminders: The actress told Lorraine how she had found herself crying over Ross’ socks
Candid: Holly said she was ‘terrified’ to tell her daughters that their father was dying
She continued: ‘They had a few weeks [with their dad], and then I was in the hospice for a month with him, and I was away from the girls, which was really challenging for them, because it was not only that dad was dying, but also that there mum wasn’t there.
‘I had to be there, and I know in the grand scheme of things this is a small part of their life, and Ross needed me to be there, and as his wife that was absolutely what I was going to do. And even though it wasn’t Ross in the hospice, it was Ross’ body, and moments of Ross, that’s what you have to do.’
In the weeks since Ross’ death, Brooke and Texas’ ‘direct’ questions have helped Holly address her grief.
Brave battle: Ross, pictured, fought a rare form of brain cancer for three years before his death
Heartache: Holly spoke previously about how she was grieving over the loss of her best friend
She said: ‘I have to be brave for them, because they need me to be real about it. But every now and then they’ll throw in a question that an adult would never ask, but a kid will just cut through it and ask.’
Holly explained that her wedding ring has three diamonds, which she had told her daughters represented the two of them and their father.
She said: ‘Brooke said “Does that mean you have to take that diamond out now because dad’s not here?” That hit me. That’s what children will do, they don’t know any different.
‘And I cry in front of them, I will say it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be cross. All of those things are okay. Have those moments.’