What does your underwear say about YOU?

You might throw them on in the morning without much thought. But an expert claims the type of underwear you choose can reflect your true inner nature. 

Miranda Holder, a British TV and celebrity fashion expert and founder of the Feel Good Fashion Coach, spoke to Femail about the message communicated by popular style of bra and knickers, from bikini briefs to bralettes. 

She explained women who like to show off their curves in skimpy thongs are party-lovers who have mastered the art of burning the candle at both ends, but are prone to choosing superficial partners. 

At the other end of the spectrum are the t-shirt bra wearers, who have somehow found themselves at a place in life where fed-up, a little overweight, and dream of being rescued from their mundane existence by a knight in shining armour.

Then there are French knicker fans who have a ‘lie back and think of England approach to sex’ and get competitive about their dinner parties with the rest of their country set. 

Dare to learn what you’re smalls are saying about you? Read on to discover Miranda’s take on six of the most common styles…   

THONG

Who they are: Party-loving lushes and reality TV wannabes 

The Thong wearer will always prioritise how they look, striving to keep up with the latest trends just as soon as they appear on T.O.W.I.E. or Celebs go Dating. 

They feel most alive when they squeeze their feet into towering white stilettos (an ASOS special) and shoehorn themselves into rib-bruising body con dresses or squeeze on, peel off pleather trousers.

Peacocking to gain amorous advances from a potential lover is the aim of the game, consequently they get everything waxed, leaving not a hair on their body whilst making the application of fake tan and hair extensions an Olympic sport.

They can go for hours without needing a wee and don’t really suffer from hangovers, thinking nothing of pulling an all-nighter and stumbling into work the next day.

They regularly sleep in their makeup, and have mastered the art of keeping false eyelashes in place for days at a time, which leaves more money to invest in tweakments. Their skin is young, radiant and firm, but they are still partial to a good fox brow and pouty pumped-up lips.

The thong wearer loves nothing better than dancing on a beach somewhere watching the sun go down, even if they can’t remember how they got home the next morning. 

Their wardrobe secret weapons for such occasions are bikinis revealing their underboob and sexy, cut out dresses. They know their potential mates have very little imagination, so they ensure that nothing is left to it.

T-SHIRT BRA

Who they are: A wallflower who suspects their husband is cheating 

Giving up on life: Women in t-shirt bras might feel like their best years are behind them and dream of being rescued. She loves nothing more than comfy clothes and a trip to the cinema

The T-Shirt Bra wearer is a bit of a wallflower, and definitely happiest when she is not the centre of attention. She would be utterly mortified if she had any visible lingerie lines under her clothing, no matter the circumstances.

Neither does she regularly indulge in anything new, so the majority of her smalls are varying shades of grey-ish nude.

She lives in baggy supermarket jeans and bobbly jumpers, devoting her life to her family and friends. She puts everyone else first and is quite happy to stay at home and watch the kids while husband goes to the pub with his friends.

She is a bit overweight, but pushes that to the back of her mind as she was taught that it was vain to focus on your appearance.

Her favourite outing is a trip to the cinema where she can indulge in a bucket of popcorn and pick and mix with a girlfriend and avoid the scornful eye of others. 

She has a particular passion for Zombie films and knows every episode of The Walking Dead inside out, but has difficulty in finding anyone in her small circle of friends to go to these types of movies with.

She once had a high flying career in advertising and gave it all up to settle down, as it felt like the right thing to do. She won’t let herself imagine what a life she might have had if she had chosen differently.

She used to have a healthy sex life with her husband before the children, now she has a sneaking suspicion he might be playing away but can’t bring herself to face it. She has secret fantasies about being a real life Pretty Woman and being rescued by Richard Gere.

She used to love Tequila, and on the rare occasion she is out with her friends she may accidentally have a couple too many and find herself dancing suggestively on tables, unleashing her altar ego. All in the comfort of her faithful T Shirt bra…

BIKINI BRIEF

Who they are: Fitness fans obsessed with their step count  

On the move: The bikini brief is loved by women who are always on the go and struggle to find time for their other-halves. Jeans and a t-shirt is their go-to outfit

Sporty spice eat your heart out! These ladies mean business and don’t want to be garroted by scraps of lace whilst going about theirs.

These women have no time for frills or anything remotely feminine, they favour comfort and practicality over pretty, and if that means the odd VPL then so be it. They are hard working and demand that their underwear reflects their work ethic.

The bikini brief wearer is a professional fitness fanatic, they are obsessed with their daily step count, and are constantly checking their Apple Watch or Oura ring for the progress on their resting heart rate.

Their life is centered around wellness and working out, and they are likely to have several changes of active wear during the day to reflect their next activity (and to keep up with their mates). 

Sweaty Betty and Lululemon are firm favourites for most, and their trainer collection is extensive, however they secretly dread going ‘out out’, as they are lost when it comes to any garments that aren’t sweat-wicking.

They aren’t overly feminine, and feel trussed up in a dress so they generally just stick to the ‘jeans and a nice top’ formula, and spend the evening counting down to when they can kick off their restrictive pinching heels and get back into their Reebocks.

These women aspire to be Tracey Anderson devotees but can’t quite achieve that desired ‘burn’ with her workouts so instead their usual workouts involve running clubs and circuits in their local park. They also love a good fitness class at their local gym, and always arrive 10 minutes early to grab the best spot at the front.

They have tried all the diets, from Keto to Paleo, Low Carb to Gluten Free, and are just about to start a juice cleanse for Spring. They are hoping to book a holiday at Body Boot Camp in Ibiza later this year.

They live separate lives from their partners despite remaining married, as there is little room for a spouse alongside the laser focus towards keeping the pounds off and preventing the bingo wings from taking hold.

BRALETTE 

Who they are: A creative soul who’s tough to crack 

Free-spirit: Bralettes signal a woman who is feminine, creative and loves travelling solo. Her independent nature makes her a tough cookie to crack when it comes to romance

The Bralette wearer is feminine and creative. She adores makeup and fashion and has an extensive, colourful wardrobe, putting together often surprising combinations that reflect her mood that day.

She is naturally stylish but not overtly sexy. Other women adore her, she has oodles of girlfriends, is on the guest list of every gathering and thinks nothing of whiling away an evening in deep conversation on the phone, if not in person, to one of her pals.

Men however don’t fully understand her, as they are slightly intimidated by her artistic side and can’t quite work out what’s on offer.

The bralette wearer is a creative thinker, a day dreamer, and despite being extremely popular is happiest when alone.

She is either a writer or works at an art gallery and loves everything in those worlds. In lockdown she painted her entire kitchen bright pink, and now she is teaching herself about upcycling, and attempting to reupholster an antique armchair by watching videos on youtube.

She is the friend that others turn to when they need help with their makeup or hair – or to borrow clothes, which she loves. She adores travelling and despite all the invitations to go on girls holidays, prefers nothing more than getting lost in a new city somewhere, content in her own company.

She will never reveal where she buys her underwear or what perfume she wears. Potential suitors be warned – she’s a tough cookie to crack (and quite frankly a nightmare when it comes to Christmas presents).

FRENCH KNICKERS

Who are they: Old-fashioned romantics stuck in the ’80s 

Prissy: The French Knicker wearer has a ‘Lie back and think of England’ attitude to love-making and gets competitive with cooking. She left the city to become a country queen

French knicker wearers live in dresses and skirts because they once tried wearing their knickers with trousers and still wince when they recall the excruciating mess things got into ‘down there’.

These ladies are romantic at heart, but firmly stuck in the 80s, they still have dreams about the Milk Tray man and fond memories of the Timothei advert.

They used to work as a high-flying PA in the City, or possibly in events, but are now ensconced in the countryside which is better ‘for the children’ and hang around in gaggles at coffee shops, commenting on the lightness of the scones and the temperature that the tea is served.

They proudly still have the same makeup and skincare routine as they had when they were 21 and wear the same perfumes as their mothers. 

Occasionally one is meant to feel like a failure and ostracised from the group if it is discovered that they didn’t breastfeed their children well into the toddler years.

They all have nice, normal first names but prefer to be called by the pet names they gained in boarding school such as Lollo or Bunty. Their idea of a perfect day would be Pilates with the girls, followed by a cookery demonstration and a flower arranging class.

These women pride themselves on their cooking and can get fiercely competitive over dinner party menus, they even have a special book in which they write down what they cook each time, the memory not being quite what it was.

They probably own a twinset, they definitely own pearls. The French Knicker wearer has a ‘Lie back and think of England’ attitude to love-making, and after the children were conceived, will only let their husbands near them on high days and holidays.

PUSH-UP BRA

Who they are: Bolshie high-flyer who likes to be centre of attention

Centre of attention: The push-up bra wearer rubs people up the wrong way but she doesn’t care because they can’t stop staring. She gets bored easily and loves a good pamper

The Push-Up Bra wearer likes to be centre stage, and knows the impact the girls can make if they are front and centre.

She is comfortable in the limelight, likes to get heads turning and gives herself bonus points if she’s gossiped about behind her back.

She knows how to flaunt her assets, and knows that other women are threatened by her but that’s ok – she tends to prefer male company anyway. 

She loves a good weekend shop up and lunch with one of her few girlfriends who see through the bravado, but secretly prefers the footie and the pub with the lads and can down a pint of lager faster than most of them.

She takes good care of herself, is a member of her local health club and goes at least 4 times a week for a workout followed by a good pamper, but had to leave the last one after sleeping with her PT which became awkward when she realised the receptionist was also his wife.

She has never been married and doesn’t want to be, her mantra is ‘variety is the spice of life’ and besides that she has a short attention span and gets bored easily.

She has a high flying career in the city or in PR, and loves nothing better than saving her money for lavish holidays in the sun, and is particularly partial to Italian waiters.

Miranda Holder is Founder of The Feel Good Fashion Coach