It’s the ‘most wonderful time of the year’, there’s ‘parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting and carolling out in the snow’ – or that’s at least how the popular Christmas song sells it.
But for some, the festive season isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and is instead filled with anxiety, social exhaustion and money woes – while others see it as a grim reminder of loss, separation or grief.
Thankfully, a psychologist has shared how to find some solace during the winter period, and feel more grounded and secure.
Here, Dr Carmen Harra, American author of Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through the Seven Archetypes, tells FEMAIL how to thrive during the holidays…
Expert Dr Carmen Harra has revealed how to cope with the festive season if you’re finding the holidays difficult (stock photo)
1. DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOURSELF
Dr Carmen said: ‘This isn’t only a season to give to others, but to yourself, too! Do one thing each day leading up to Christmas that makes you content.
‘Whether it’s a day at the spa, a small present to yourself, a good workout session, or rewatching your favourite movies, centre every day around an activity that makes you smile.
‘Buy a calendar and write down “today, I will _” on each day leading up to Christmas. Fill in the blank with an action that brings you joy and excitement.
‘Try to treat yourself with more patience and gentleness. Showing such virtues to yourself will not only make the holidays easier to tolerate, they will make you an overall better, wiser person as well.’
3. GO AT YOUR OWN PACE AND LEAVE EVENTS EARLY
‘Much of the unease that accompanies Christmas is caused by feeling forced to attend social gatherings and family get-togethers,’ explained the psychologist.
‘You may not always look forward to such events, especially if you suffer from social anxiety or consider your family to be less than functional.
‘The best way to find a happy medium between feeling comfortable and fulfilling your obligations is to set realistic limits for yourself: put your best face on and make an appearance at the gathering but excuse yourself after an hour or two.
‘Don’t feel guilty about leaving early or staying for only half of the party – you should be proud of yourself for making the effort to go in the first place.
‘Chances are that once you’re actually at the celebration, the dread will diminish and you’ll feel relaxed and be able to enjoy yourself.
‘This should reduce your nervousness about future events, but you should still set healthy boundaries for yourself around this time of the year and take things at your own pace.’
4. SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE WHO UPLIFT YOU
‘Being around people who make you feel good can enhance your mood and increase your lifespan. This is because being in good company can rearrange your brain chemistry and teach you to adopt a more positive attitude,’ Dr Carmen said.
‘Laughter is essential, but it must be shared with those you love. Get together with people who share your mentality and uplift you.
‘We can learn so much from each other by sharing the lessons life has taught us. Plato believed that the ultimate truth can be reached through dialogue, and you’ll be surprised at the truths you can discover just by listening to the experiences of others.’
5. TAME STRESS WITH SIMPLE EXERCISES
Dr Carmen said: ‘No matter how chaotic this time of the year becomes, you must remember that stress causes serious harm to body and mind. The effects of stress include autoimmune disorders and digestive problems.
‘Remove unnecessary complications and reintroduce peace into your life, for no one’s sake but your own.
‘There are simple but powerful exercises for inner harmony when you feel anxious or overwhelmed, like taking a short break from the source of your pressures, whether that’s a person or your environment.
‘Close your eyes and take deep, slow breaths for a few minutes. Retreat to a safe place in your mind, like a pleasant memory or a visualization that relaxes you.
‘Start your day with empowering affirmations like, “Today, I am calm, I am at peace, and I am in control,” which subdue stress and help you to practice emotional discipline.’
7. DON’T LET NEGATIVE EMOTIONS LINGER
‘One of the major factors in successfully making it through Christmas is learning to both control and release your emotions,’ insisted the psychologist.
‘Certain memories may make this a dismal time of the year for you, but hoarding emotions within you will only cause you to feel worse.
‘Let your feelings come in, reflect on them, then, if they’re negative in nature, usher them out.
‘Allow yourself to cry, for example, but time your sessions. You can tell yourself that you’re going take a thirty-minute walk during which you’ll examine your feelings, but when your walk has ended, so must your tears.
‘Or, you can write in your journal and transfer your plethora of emotions onto the paper, then disengage from the heavy feelings once you shut the book.
‘On the other hand, I encourage you to concede to contentment, even over the smallest things, and acknowledge the infinite reasons you have to be happy in this very moment.’
8. AVOID RUINING RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS
The psychologist explained: ‘Finding healthy ways to reduce stress during the holidays includes maintaining good relationships with the people around you.
‘If one of your relatives is pushing your buttons, simply excuse yourself and go into another room. When tempers flare, instead of retaliating by yelling and accusing your loved one, take a step back and ask for some time alone.
‘Take an hour or a day to regroup and return to a more stable state of mind, then have a calm and rational conversation about the disagreement. Express your intentions to resolve the problem.
‘Never make insults in the heat of the moment or say mean things that you can’t take back or cause irreparable harm.
‘Do your best to see it from the other person’s point of view and explain yourself in ways they can understand and relate to.
‘Try not to blame the people around you for things that aren’t necessarily their fault or small mistakes that are negligible in the bigger scheme of things.’
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