Talking about exes can often be an uncomfortable conversation with a new partner.
But how much should you say and what things should you keep locked away in the past?
According to sexologist and relationship expert, Dr Nikki Goldstein, chatting about former flames could either be a harmless conversation or a painful, unnecessary trip down memory lane.
She said before delving too much into the past, you need to ask yourself if you’re just curious and how much do you actually want to know.
According to sexologist and relationship expert, Dr Nikki Goldstein (pictured), chatting about former flames could either be a harmless conversation or a painful, unnecessary trip down memory lane
‘It depends on how much you want to know. Some people want to know everything and other people don’t want to know much at all,’ Dr Goldstein said on her website.
‘Unless something has happened to you in a relationship that is going to change how you are in this current one, it’s not always necessary to divulge. Let it be something that comes up naturally in conversation.’
Dr Goldstein said we all need to choose our words carefully because it could lead to jealousy or arguments.
Dr Goldstein said some people want to know everything about their partner’s exes and other people don’t want to know much at all
‘You don’t need to blurt out “Here’s a list of everything I’ve done”, but you also shouldn’t need to hide things from your partner if they are comfortable hearing them,’ she said.
‘It concerns me when people feel like they need to brag about their past partners. Why are you telling them this? Usually they’re trying to prove that they’re wanted. It’s basically saying ‘Look if you don’t want me, I’m capable of getting other people’.
Dr Goldstein said it’s better to avoid specific anecdotes that don’t relate to the new relationship in any way.
Dr Goldstein said it concerns her when people feel like they need to brag about their past partners
Avoid specific anecdotes that don’t relate to the new relationship in any way, said Dr Goldstein
‘If an ex comes up in conversation, you might say “Oh, I dated him once upon a time”.
‘Unless you have kids together and you have to talk about them in that context, maybe you’re too connected to your ex. Talk more about your own relationship with your current partner,’ she added.
She also warned about partners who gossip about their previous partners, saying it’s a sign that the person is still hung up on their ex.