What your favourite song lyrics say about your romantic attachment style

When going out on a first date, you might think the best topics to chat about are hobbies and interests.

But a new study suggests that the best thing to discuss to find out if you are a perfect match is your date’s favourite song lyrics.

Researchers from the University of Toronto say that the words to our most-loved tunes reveal our attachment style, whether that’s ‘anxious’, ‘avoidant’ or ‘secure’.

Lyrics like ‘guess she gave you things that I did not give to you’ from Adele’s ‘Someone Like You’ reflect an anxious attachment style, according to the study. 

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may gravitate towards Tina Turner’s ‘What’s Love Got to do With It?’, which includes the words ‘who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?’.

However, those with a secure attachment style may like ‘there ain’t no hill or mountain we cannot climb’ from Sonny & Cher’s ‘I Got You Babe’.

However, those with a secure attachment style may like ‘there ain’t no hill or mountain we cannot climb’ from Sonny & Cher’s ‘I Got You Babe’

Previous studies have revealed that an individual’s music taste can reveal a lot about their personality.

For example, tesearchers from the University of Cambridge found that Ed Sheeran’s song ‘Shivers’ appeals to extroverts, while Nirvana’s ‘Smells like Teen Spirit’ is enjoyed by those with neurotic traits.

A Spotify survey also found that people who like Aretha Franklin and soul music tend to be more agreeable, and lovers of folk music are more likely to be open. 

In the new study, published in Personal Relationships, the researchers set out to understand whether music taste also reflects our attachment style in relationships.

People with a secure attachment style are capable of building and maintaining long-lasting relationships, as they are comfortable with proximity.

However, an anxious attachment style indicates that the individual fears rejection or the loss of a relationship, and therefore tends to be overly attentive of their partner and seeks constant reassurance of their bond.

Meanwhile, individuals with an avoidant attachment style feel uncomfortable when their partner starts to get too close, and may have difficulty trusting them or pull away.

The research team asked 502 people to list at least seven of their favourite English language songs about relationships.

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style gravitate towards words like ‘who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?’, from Tina Turner’s ‘What’s Love Got to do With It?’

The participants then took assessments to determine their attachment style and levels of the ‘Big Five’ personality traits – extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism.

Their favourite songs were then analysed to establish whether the lyrics portrayed an anxious, avoidant or secure attachment style.

After comparing the results with the participants’ attachment styles and personality traits, it was found that avoidant people tended to like lyrics that reflect their attachment style.

The same trend was not seen for those with an anxious attachment style, as instead they seemed to like music with ‘validating and self-expressive themes about relationships’.

Those who scored high in the personality traits of neuroticism and conscientiousness typically enjoyed lyrics that express anxiety.

Surprisingly, those who scored high in openness did not prefer lyrics that expressed secure attachment. 

In a second study, the researchers analysed the lyrics of the 823 most popular songs from 1946 to 2015 to determine which attachment styles their plots expressed.

It was found that the subjects of chart-toppers have become more avoidant over time.

The authors wrote: ‘We found evidence suggesting that Western culture’s diminishing orientation toward social engagement is reflected in the rise of avoidant popular music.

‘We hope that these findings will stimulate consideration of the value that lyrics can hold for describing, representing, and potentially influencing individuals’ perspectives on and approaches to relationships.’