I can tell your social class just by the words you use.
This isn’t a new concept – it’s one that’s always been around and is intrinsic to British life.
It used to be that if you were to say ‘sofa’ rather than ‘settee’ you would be more Buckingham Palace than Crystal Palace.
If your evening meal was your ‘dinner’ then that was solid; and if you popped to the ‘lavatory’ rather than the ‘toilet’ then you would surely rise upwards through the social ranks.
William Hanson reveals the language you need to avoid if you wish to join the upper classes
But these words are now fairly commonplace for those wishing to better themselves. There are now many new words that can expose your humble origins should you let one slip in quality company.
This is what was termed ‘U and Non-U’ in the 1950s. U meaning ‘upper class’ and ‘Non-U’ meaning ‘non upper class’.
Prepare to hastily adjust your language, or relax in the comfort that you are already at the top of social Everest, with my updated U and Non-U list for 2017.
Food
Since the 1950s English cuisine has had a total transformation but (for so many reasons) it is hard to imagine the Mitford set ever going into an exposed-brick ‘eatery’ (Non-U) and ordering smashed ‘avo’ on toast with a side of ‘beets’.
William says that you should not describe something as its brand as this comes off as boastful
To really pass as top drawer you must avoid needless contractions. I wonder what those poor misguided souls who drop 50 per cent of the syllables that make up ‘avocado’ or ‘beetroots’ do with all that extra time they save themselves?
Call a spade a spade and do not contract just to make yourself look cool. You look anything but.
Alcohol
Alcohol is never ‘booze’.
Any ‘invite’ (Non-U) that promises ‘fizz on arrival’ should be very swiftly torn up before you enter into fits of hysteria as to why your name is on a list where people think you’d be enticed by such an offer.
When people write ‘fizz’ it is usually code for ‘you’re not getting Champagne’.
My thoughts on Prosecco and cava have been well documented before, but if your taste or budget doesn’t allow for the grander Champagne then don’t make it doubly worse by using a euphemism like ‘fizz’. Again, we return to the rule of calling a spade a spade.
Similarly, ‘vino’ is definitely out and Non-U, even if said ironically. Irony won’t save you here.
Coffee
The world of coffee has become terribly Non-U. It is very rare to be able to order just a ‘black coffee’ and have a waiter or barman know exactly what you mean. That horrid drink dubbed the Americano is not what we meant, is it?
In the world of too much choice, make sure this does not affect your lexicon when inviting a friend out for a coffee.
Never say, ‘shall we meet next week for a latte?’ Your preference is a) irrelevant and also – to be really, really U – it should be nothing but a black coffee that you order, anyway.
The biggest indicator of someone’s social background according to William is whether or not they use the word toilet
Additionally, the more instruction a person gives to the ‘barista’ (Non-U) the more lower class they are.
God Bless America
The influence of America and the global brand-obsessed culture has a lot to answer for when it comes to modern class language use and abuse.
To be a U speaker please know you are not going to ‘catch a movie’; you are going to ‘see a film’.
You do not greet someone (or start an email) with ‘hey’. It is what horses eat, not a salutation.
When there is nothing left on your plate you have ‘finished’, you are not ‘done’.
And never request that black coffee by saying ‘can I get’ as you aren’t actually fetching anything – the waiter is doing the work. Ask ‘may I please have’ instead.
As someone once said: ‘there is no such thing as American English. There is English and then there are mistakes.’
Brands
Temper your language when social climbing to monitor your use of brand names.
What brand and model of something you have is totally irrelevant, so do not show off by telling colleagues you need to answer a call on your ‘iPhone’ or reply to an email on your ‘Blackberry’.
When you arrive home that evening and you cannot be bothered to cook then you will be ordering a takeaway (U) and not a Deliveroo (Non-U). The choice of food delivery app doesn’t matter. It’s still a takeaway.
If you leave the house after dinner and need a taxi (U) then call it that – an Uber (Non-U) is just a type of taxi.
Using brand names is showing off and uppers generally don’t like that.
University
The educated graduated from ‘university’ (U). The rest graduated from ‘uni’ (Non-U).
Make sure that your first or second class degree isn’t sullied and undermined by using an ugly contraction like ‘uni’.
‘Universities’ have ‘terms’. ‘Unis’ have ‘semesters’.
The T word is still banned
Whereas some words have been pruned from the 1950s list, some of them still count as silent language shibboleths that can be used to determine someone’s social background: the biggest one being ‘toilet’, which is still very, very Non-U.
Despite left-leaning magazines like Tatler deliberately trying to wind everyone up by proclaiming we can now all say ‘toilet’ without consequence, there are still many PLU who would rather give birth to a chair than utter the clunky word for what is actually a ‘lavatory’. (Loo is fine, too, but lavatory is the most correct.)
For those who don’t know, historically your ‘toilet’ was your appearance, your makeup; hence your ‘toiletries bag’. The porcelain thing you use is the lavatory. So toilet is not only an ugly word but also factually incorrect.
When making a documentary for BBC Radio 4 I took issue with Tatler’s editor by telling her that many of us were livid – seething – that they had abused their position. Apparently, taking this stance makes me a ‘moron’ (her words). Well, I may be a moron but I am a moron with standards.