Whether you procure your avocados from Waitrose or visit Lidl to pick up their competitively priced Chianti to impress at your dinner party, there’s no excuse for letting standards slip while pushing the trolley.
The supermarket is a fish bowl of human behaviour – and sadly not all of it is good.
It’s time to revise our supermarket civility and check out the bad habits that irk and irritate shoppers.
William Hanson reveals that you should alwasy be sensibly dressed for the supermarket – no pyjamas – and avoid free coffees and chatting to friends in the aisles (stock image)
Pyjamas in the aisles
No one says you need to pop on your best ballgown for the shops, but show some very basic respect for all concerned by not rocking up in your nightwear. It’s the height of vulgarity, not to mention terribly unhygienic.
Think of all that outside dirt and grime that will latch on to your pyjamas that you’ll then transfer into the bed that night. Yuck!
Show respect for the staff and other shoppers and don’t arrive in your pyjamas.
For those that want to do the grocery shop in their lounge or nightwear – order online.
Topless men
That said, I’d rather have someone shop in their grubby pyjamas than see a topless man waddle up the aisles.
Chaps, if you have any stripper or exhibitionist tendencies then the supermarket is not the place for you.
I don’t care how hot the weather is, or how hot you think you are, your clothes must stay on.
I do not want your body hair dropping all over the mangoes, thanks.
Free coffee hell
To many of sounder social minds’ horror, several years ago some of the formerly better class supermarkets started offering free coffees to loyalty card holders.
Mail Online’s etiquette expert William Hanson reveals the supermarket habits that make you look common
I am not sure why, as I doubt these two supermarkets were struggling for custom before this silly scheme was introduced.
The free coffee – if you must claim it – should be consumed AFTER your shop, and not during.
On pain of death do not stroll along the aisles browsing, sipping your flat white, and attempting to steer your trolley. All these cannot be done successfully at the same time and you get underfoot of the sane shoppers who can all cope without a caffeine fix as they select their salmon and pick out the pappardelle.
Confession – I sometimes gently shunt my trolley so it hits the back of the coffee drinkers’ legs and gives them a start – ideally spilling some of the coffee on their quinoa.
It’s not try before you buy
Feeling peckish as you peruse the aisles? Looking at all that delicious fare is tempting isn’t it? But – you are not allowed to eat it until you have paid for it.
Don’t be tempted to siphon some squash or grab a quick grape from the bunch in your basket before you’ve entered your pin at the checkout. It is not yours until you’ve paid for it.
Parents – this includes deciding you’ll break off a chunk of the baguette to feed to your feral child. I don’t care if they are screaming or haven’t eaten for hours: the supermarket is not a roaming restaurant for you or your children to enjoy a safari supper.
Checkout of your phone
If you are so busy and so important that you cannot possibly be off your phone for the three minutes it takes for the assistant to ring through your purchases then – again – I suggest doing your shopping online.
You don’t need to make best of friends with the cashier but you do need to greet them, be ready to answer any questions they may ask, and make eye contact.
I appreciate that some cashiers aren’t perfect but they are usually the result of multitudes of rude customers.
Chatting with friends
Should you bump into Brian, or spot Shania across the tenderstem then by all means have a quick chat but unless it’s just you two in the shop then invite your friend to the coffee shop and have your gossip there and not in the way of the rest of us.
Dumped in the aisle
There is a special section of hell reserved for shoppers who decide that actually they don’t need as much feta as they had originally chosen and so – mid-laundry aisle – pop the superfluous packet on the shelf next to the detergent.
If you are so lazy that you cannot be bothered to walk back a few aisles and put it back in its rightful place then perhaps adult life isn’t for you.
If you’re in a rush and can’t go back to the feta’s original home then hand it over to the cashier at checkout and they will see it gets put back where it belongs.
Good manners are essential if you want to avoid irking other shoppers (stock image)
Next customer please
Do you think that once the assistant has taken your payment the whole shop will shut down as they have peaked with serving you – you total goddess – and that all other customers will be asked to leave immediately? No? Okay – so why have you not put down the ‘next customer please’ slate, darling?
It’s very simple: add your groceries to the conveyor belt and then pop the sign down.
If you don’t see one, ask the assistant. It’s not all about you – good manners are all about consideration for others.
Payment ready
Finally, when the big moment arrives for your plastic to be fantastic make sure you have it all ready and set to go.
If you are collecting points or tokens then ensure all relevant periphery pieces of paper are waiting to be handed over – like a coiled spring.
The queuing customers behind will not appreciate you faffing through your purse or wallet to find that save 50p coupon you got last week.