Well, now we know what all those footballers were doing with their spare time while sport was in lockdown.
Getting their hair done.
With three major footie codes finally back up and running, one question simply must be asked.
What’s with the ‘do’s?
There’s so much product running around under lights right now, it’s a wonder that players aren’t bursting into flames.
After being stuck in lockdown for months without entertainment, footballers have kept busy at the barber shop and have now taken to the field with their new hairstyles. Pictured is Viliame Kikau of the Panthers
White on black hairstyles are proved very popular on the field giving a striking appearance to Magpies star Jeremy Howe last week
We’ve got the white, the white on black, the pepper and salt and, most striking of all, the white on black mohawk.
And that’s not even mentioning the pigtails and that perennial favourite, the mullet.
Not that you can blame the players for getting into a bit of self-adornment.
With bars, TABs and strip clubs all closed for the duration the only thing open to them was hairdressers.
And haven’t they made the most of it.
The NRL round three local derby between the Parramatta Eels and Penrith Panthers looked more like an episode of America’s Top Model than Friday Night Football.
With bars, TABs and strip clubs all closed for the duration the only thing open to footy players was hairdressers. Pictured is Eels player Dylan Brown
While the Warriors’ Eliesa Katoa deserves kudos for trying to super-size the standard single pig-tail look by going with two extra strands – and then adding coloured beads – the purists could be forgiven for thinking it was a little try-hard
The Eels might have won on the scoreboard but in the battle of the buzzcuts it was Panthers first, daylight second.
Oh sure, the Eels gave it a red hot go with Dylan Brown going the full white and Maika Sivo chipping in with a lamington-like flat-top but there was only ever going to be one winner on the night: the Panthers’ Viliame Kikau, whose black and white mohawk with matching beard was a bold and brilliant melding of styles.
Kikau was ably supported by his team-mate Apisai Koroisau who looked like someone had stapled a white poodle onto his head, giving the Panthers an unbeatable one-two combination.
The Storm’s Tino Faasuamaleaui did his best, but to be honest his white on black looked a little streaky
Maika Sivo chipped in with a lamington-like flat-top with a buzz-cut around the sides and back
Elsewhere around the grounds other NRL players were doing their best but Kikau was always going to be a hard act to follow. The Storm’s Tino Faasuamaleaui did his best, but to be honest his white on black looked a little streaky, like he’d got caught in a sudden Melbourne rain shower before it had set.
And while the Warriors’ Eliesa Katoa deserves kudos for trying to super-size the standard single pig-tail look by going with two extra strands – and then adding coloured beads – the purists could be forgiven for thinking it was a little try-hard.
It was left to the AFL boys to mount a significant challenge, led by Collingwood bottle blondes Jack Crisp, Jeremy Howe and Jordan de Goey, with the Demons’ Christian Salem earning honourable mention.
Not so successful was North Melbourne’s Jasper Pittard.
Jasper, who has had more ‘do’s over the years than David Beckham, was a clear Worst on Ground for the round with his botched attempt at a blonde-buzz-mullet combo.
Jasper Pittard was a clear Worst on Ground for the round with his botched attempt at a blonde-buzz-mullet combo
So bad, was it in fact, that it almost shaded the horrendous white-top mohawk unveiled by Melbourne captain Max Gawn during the enforced break.
Which brings us a category all its own, the venerable mullet, with three footballers from different codes doing their bit to bring the art form back into vogue over the weekend: NRL’s Andrew Fifita at the Cronulla Sharks, AFL’s Bailey Smith at the Western Bulldogs and, over the ditch, Auckland rugby union player Tom Robinson (although maybe the last one shouldn’t count because in New Zealand it’s never really been out of vogue).
Jordan de Goey fully bleached haircut with a buzz-cut on the sides impressed on and off the field
Clive Waterhouse wore an infamous version of the mullet in the 1990s but toned down his hair in the later years of his career
For me though, there will only ever be one real mullet in football, and that is the one immortalised by the great Warwick Capper in the 1980s.
Although it lacked the sheer awfulness of the legendary example worn by Fremantle recruit Clive Waterhouse at the 1995 national draft, with Warwick it was all part of a total package: the hair, the shorts, the vibe.
What a beautiful guy. By his own admission Warwick wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he never failed to make you smile.
There will only ever be one ‘read’ mullet, which was worn by Warwick Capper in the 1980s
I’ll always remember the time I rang him on his mobile phone in the early 1990s. It was in the days before hands-free and Bluetooth and when I asked Warwick if he had time for a quick interview, the famous Capper rapid-fire voice chattered back at me like a gatling gun.
‘Yeah mate yeah, no worries yeah … but I’m in the car heading up the coast so if I see a cop I’ll have to drop the phone …’
Then I heard a female voice in the background.
‘No Warwick,’ she said. ‘It’s okay. That’s only if you’re the one driving.’
Ah Capper the Great. Just like his hairdo, one of a kind.