Woman asks friend for baby gift back after miscarriage

A woman has sparked outrage after wondering if she should ask her friend to return the expensive baby shower gift after she suffered a miscarriage.

Posting on a popular online forum, the woman shared her dilemma and was immediately slammed for being a ‘heartless’ person with bad gifting etiquette.

She immediately acknowledged that she sounded ‘awful’ and it was a ‘terrible thing to do’ – but her husband spent $400 ($600 AUD) on the present that would ‘go to waste and likely never be used’.

She also revealed that her husband had previously spent $300 ($450 AUD) on a baby shower present for the same woman a few years ago.

‘It’s one thing if she’s able to get a few years of use out of the item, that’s money well spent, but it’s a problem if it’s going to sit in a box in her attic for years,’ she explained.

She posted her story on Reddit’s popular ‘Am I The A**hole?’ forum that lets strangers with an objective perspective judge a person’s actions.

‘My husband has a family friend named Jen,’ she began. ‘Jen and I aren’t friends at all but we are friendly. When Jen had her first kid my husband purchased an expensive item off of her baby shower registry as a gift (around $300 USD if I recall correctly).’

The woman claimed she had no issue with the gift or how much her husband spent as it was a nice item to gift and they were excited for the new baby.

But she immediately thought it was strange when Jen became pregnant with another child a few years later and sent around an equally expensive registry despite being high earners.

‘Personally, I thought she should still have most of the items from her first kid and I didn’t think people usually did full blown baby showers/registries after their first.’ 

‘I was also surprised she was asking for gifts when she was still in the first trimester, but I’m a cautious person who didn’t announce my pregnancy until 20 weeks.’ 

‘I left it up to my husband but mentioned to him that I was surprised she was organising another shower/gifting event since she already has a young child and received brand new stuff then.’

The woman originally claimed she had no issue with the baby shower gift or how much her husband spent as it was a nice item to gift and they were excited for the new baby

The woman then revealed that her husband purchased a $400 USD present for Jen, who suffered a traumatic miscarriage a few weeks later.

Jen was devastated and would probably never be able to carry another baby to term. 

‘It’s incredibly sad, and while I’m not close with Jen, my heart hurt for her,’ the woman said.

She then revealed that it’s been a few months since the loss and the couple is unsure of how to navigate the gift. 

‘It’s not something she can use for her older kid,’ the woman clarified.

She then went through a list of ‘options’ her and her husband were considering. 

‘Asking her to return the gift seems cruel, like adding a chore onto her grief, and it’s probably past the return window anyway.’ 

‘I’m also not sure if she’s going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet. Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel.’

‘My husband and I are decently high earners, but $400 USD is still a lot of money.’ 

‘It’s one thing if she’s able to get a few years of use out of it, that’s money well spent. But if it’s going to sit in a box for years . . . that’s where we are getting stuck.’

The woman said that they would ‘ideally’ get their money back, but it was also acceptable for them to re-gift the present to someone who could use it.

‘Jen was devastated and would probably never be able to carry another baby to term,’ the woman said about her friend 

Thousands were furious at how insensitive the duo was being about a woman’s grief.

‘It was a gift. It shouldn’t come with terms and conditions,’ a person said. ‘You gave it away. It’s gone.’

‘She’s just lost her baby and her fertility. When she’s ready, she will probably sell your gift and hopefully use the money for something that brings her joy,’ another said.

‘You decided to spend a lot of money on a gift. Maybe give less in the future if you are going to feel resentful later. But do not add to this woman’s pain so you can get your money back. That’s monstrous,’ a woman added.

Another shared: ‘I always thought I was suppose to give extra (non-baby) gifts to my friends who had miscarriages. Like take her to the spa or an activity to make her feel better. I wasn’t aware people actively took away gifts after losses to make it extra hard for their friends.’

‘Further, considering the circumstances (losing a baby), I’d be disappointed with myself if one of the first things that came to my mind was, ‘Well, I guess she’s not gonna need our expensive gift’ and think to demand it back,’ a man wrote.