A woman has warned against telling a person they don’t ‘look’ suicidal, by sharing two extremely different photos of herself and insisting she was battling suicidal thoughts on both occasions.
Milly Smith, a mental health advocate from Hull, England, took to Instagram on Sunday to post two shots of herself side by side. In the first photo, the 24-year-old mom’s face looks distressed, and she is curling wrapping her arms around her legs in a prostrate position.
The other image appears radically different, with Milly posing with a bright smile on her face, wearing a glamorous outfit and evening-ready make-up.
Opening up: Milly Smith, a mental health advocate from Hull, England, took to Instagram on Sunday to post two shots of herself, explaining she was battling suicidal thoughts in both
Despite the differences in both pictures, the mother, who has a two-year-old son, insisted she was battling suicidal thoughts when each of them was taken.
She also recounted how a doctor told her she didn’t look suicidal when she was just 14 years old—a comment that discouraged her from seeking professional help for years.
‘ “You don’t look suicidal”… I remember these words coming from the Dr’s mouth right after I’d just told him that I was having thoughts of suicide,’ she wrote.
‘I remember in that moment my 14-year-old self felt invalidation, dumb and embarrassed; something no one in that mindset should have to feel.’
That day, Milly left wondering what a suicidal person was ‘supposed’ to look like.
‘Those words nearly cost me my life, that judgment, those stupid stupid words,’ she added.
Years later, Milly overdosed at home, and even at that moment, remained convinced she didn’t seem unwell enough to seek professional help.
Past: The mom, now 24, recounted how a doctor told her she didn’t look suicidal when she was just 14 years old—a comment that discouraged her from seeking professional help for years
Consequences: Years later, Milly, who has a two-year-old son (pictured with her) overdosed at home and remained convinced she didn’t seem unwell enough to seek help
‘I remember the night just last year that I spiraled and overdosed in my living room. I remember thinking to myself “I can’t get help, I don’t look suicidal, I don’t fit the bill, they’ll laugh at me,” ‘ the mom wrote.
It wasn’t until she woke up in the hospital, surrounded by her loved ones, that Milly realized how serious her state was.
‘By then this could have been too late, I might not have been there to see those sad faces if my partner hadn’t saved my life,’ she continued.
‘This, this is the danger of thinking mental health has a “face”, a “look”. This is how stigma, ignorance and judgement towards mental health/suicide affects those who are poorly.
‘In both these photos i’m suicidal, perhaps not in the same way but on both of these days I had suicidal thoughts racing around.
‘Stop the judgment. Stop the stigma.’
Advocate: Milly, who once suffered from anorexia, regularly shares photos of herself to help women embrace their bodies, and opens up about her mental health struggles
Impact: Other people shared their own stories of seeing their mental health struggles trivialized by medical professionals, and thanked Milly for spreading her message
Milly, who once suffered from anorexia, regularly shares photos of herself to help women embrace their bodies, and opens up about her mental health struggles and experiences with chronic illness.
Her post about the dangers of telling someone they don’t look suicidal resonated with her 163,000 followers, gathering more than 21,800 likes.
‘Thank you,’ someone wrote in a comment. ‘I know it isn’t always easy sharing, but the education you are providing is crucial to help people understand and end the stigma of mental illness. I am so sorry you struggle with such an insidious disease.’
Other people shared their own stories of seeing their mental health struggles trivialized by medical professionals, and thanked Milly for spreading her message.
For confidential support in the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Line on 1-800-273-8255; if you are in the UK, call the Samaritans on 116123