A mother-of-two who suffered three miscarriages in only eight months has spoken about the inexplicable pain of losing children she never had.
Lauretta MacIsaac, 36, yearned for another baby after giving birth to her son and watching him slowly grow up from a newborn to a toddler, deeply sad that her childbearing days were nearing an end.
The Adelaide woman was then ecstatic to find herself pregnant again with a third child in January 2017 – but what followed would soon become the worst moments of her life.
Lauretta MacIsaac, 36, (pictured with her daughter) yearned for another baby after giving birth to her son and watching him slowly grow up from a newborn to a toddler
The Adelaide woman (pictured with her husband and children) was then ecstatic to find herself pregnant again with a third child in January of 2017 – but what followed would soon become the worst moments of her life
‘I couldn’t just “switch off” wanting to have another child, and I still ache for another baby in my arms. I can’t logically explain it… it feels like my family is unfinished,’ Lauretta told FEMAIL.
‘It is so hard because I want another baby but I don’t know if I can go through the heartbreak of another miscarriage either.’
Lauretta had her daughter Annalise, four, in 2013 and son Jimmy, two, in 2015, following two relatively stress-free pregnancies – but as she watched her kids grow, the mother-of-two felt an unsettling sense of despair at the idea she was finished having children.
At the start of 2017 Lauretta was under 10-weeks pregnant, but experienced some unusual spotting which hadn’t occurred during her last two.
When she finally had an ultrasound to check on the life of her little foetus, she knew immediately something was not right.
‘It felt like a heat running through my head but my heart went cold,’ Lauretta explained.
Lauretta had her daughter Annalise, 4, in 2013 and son Jimmy, 2, in 2015, following two relatively stress-free pregnancies – but as she watched her kids grow, the mother-of-two felt an unsettling sense of despair at the idea she was finishing having children
At the start of 2017 Lauretta (pictured with her husband and son) was under 10 weeks pregnant, but experienced some unusual spotting which hadn’t occurred during her last two
‘I had my two children’s scans at 11 weeks and remembered what they looked like, and I knew straight away that this was wrong.’
Doctors told Lauretta to go home and return for another scan the following week to determine if she had medically miscarried.
But later that evening she felt a gush of blood which seemed to pour out of her for an eternity.
‘It was like a massacre in my bathroom. I made it the whole way to the hospital without flooding through, but the second I stood up outside of emergency it all started pouring out of me again,’ Lauretta said.
‘I waddled across the driveway with a towel wrapped around me like a nappy and straight into a wheelchair, then wheeled straight to a room.’
The next day, Lauretta and her husband left the hospital without their baby. The couple was assured the miscarriage was a ‘blip’ and just a stroke of bad luck, and that they should have no problems trying again.
Doctors told Lauretta to go home and return for another scan the following week to determine if she had medically miscarried
And to Lauretta’s enormous relief she fell pregnant again almost straight away with their second attempt at a third child.
However before the crucial 10-week mark, Lauretta noticed the gush of red which made her blood run cold.
‘My heart shattered into a million pieces, and I didn’t know if I would ever feel normal again. Two miscarriages in a row. It was extremely unlucky, we were told, but chances were that it wouldn’t happen again,’ she said.
‘Finding out about the first miscarriage was so heartbreaking… but the second was the most traumatic thing I have ever been through.’
Within the month Lauretta found herself pregnant yet again, and held onto a whisper of faith that it would be ‘third time lucky’.
But following more bleeding doctors yet again delivered the unbearable news her womb was simply home to an empty gestational sac, and not the tiny foetus she had desperately hoped for.
Within the month Lauretta found herself pregnant yet again, and held onto a whisper of faith that it would be ‘third time lucky’
She says each and every miscarriage represented a lost child and a missing soul which she grieved for as if they had been alive.
‘I believe from conception there is an energy and a soul. From day dot I wasn’t just mourning the physical loss of pregnancy… I was mourning those little souls,’ she said.
‘The first one took us completely by surprise, the second one was all of our worst fears being realised, and the last one was a long and drawn out process where we tried so hard to be positive and stay hopeful until the inevitable happened.’
Despite experiencing the tragedy of miscarriage thrice over, Lauretta admits she still yearns for another baby to complete her family.
And while content with letting her body rest after a gruelling eight months of incomplete pregnancies, she plans to revisit the doctors to find the root of the problem.
Lauretta remembers her three ‘angel babies’ with a tattoo (pictured) marking each date she miscarried
‘When you have multiple miscarriages there is a risk of scarring the uterus lining, there are people who can fall pregnant again,’ Lauretta said.
‘I think I could go through it again. The idea of having another baby is far bigger than another miscarriage.’
Lauretta emotionally dealt with her sorrow by memorialising her three ‘angel babies’ with a tattoo on her wrist of each date she miscarried and a set of tiny footprints.
‘I want other women to know they are not alone and their body is not a failure,’ she added.