A woman who ‘swiped right’ into motherhood when her Tinder date resulted in an accidental pregnancy has revealed the struggle and bliss of single parenting.
When Tessa Dijkgraaf embarked on a casual relationship using the famous dating app, she did not anticipate swapping late night drinks for nappies and breastfeeding only nine months later.
But the 27-year-old from Sorrento, Victoria, told Daily Mail Australia despite it being ‘one of the hardest, most emotional and physically exhausting experiences’, she would do it all again in a heartbeat.
Tessa Dijkgraaf (pictured) fell pregnant after a casual relationship with a Tinder match
The 27-year-old cafe owner is now mother to a 17-month-old daughter, Memphis
‘Almost daily, I would question myself, question my decisions. It didn’t matter what anyone thought about me – I’m sure I thought worse,’ Tessa said.
‘I was quite surprised at the amount of opinions I accumulated from acquaintances and well meaning people in my life. When you tell people you are pregnant, you don’t expect to hear “Are you going to keep it?”’.
After going through the motions following her surprise pregnancy test results, Tessa knew she had to get one thing straight: What does the father want to do?
She approached the man she had developed a friendship with – who quickly realised abortion was not an option and decided he would not be a part of his daughter’s life.
Tessa told Daily Mail Australia she was subject to harsh judgement from others who thought she should terminate
After going through the motions following her surprise pregnancy test results, Tessa knew she had to get one thing straight: What does the father want to do?
She approached the man she had developed a friendship with – who quickly realised abortion was not an option and decided he would not be a part of his daughter’s life
‘A surprise pregnancy takes an emotional toll on all involved, and navigating this with someone you haven’t known for very long makes it that much more difficult,’ Tessa said.
Memphis’ father does not pay child support but Tessa says if he is willing to be a part of her life – and stay – he is more than welcome.
‘I have never asked for, or expected anything from him, and I am grateful to be in a position that I can support myself and my daughter.’
‘In my position, and with the support I have, being a single mother is much easier then I ever expected. I find people are much more open to offering a helping hand, because they know there is no partner,’ she added.
Tessa, who runs her own cafe, recalls the hardest part being the social judgement and pressure to terminate her child and wait until the timing was ‘right’.
Memphis’ father does not pay child support but Tessa says if he is willing to be a part of her life – and stay – he is more than welcome
Despite her struggled Tessa says having Memphis was something she will never regret
However her pro-choice philosophy and immediate connection to the human growing inside her swayed Tessa to keep the 17-month-old little girl she now calls Memphis.
‘Throughout this experience I have never been ashamed of my story. No, it’s not the story of a “perfect” nuclear family living behind their white picket fence – but that doesn’t make it bad,’ she said.
‘I’m sure plenty of people had (and still do) have their opinions of me, judging me for whatever decision I make. That’s not just about being a single mother though, it comes with the territory of being a woman.
‘But I made it to the other side, and going through it all has absolutely made me the person I am today. I realised a strength I never knew I had, and that has transferred in to all aspects of my life.’
The young mother is now navigating the murky waters of parenthood without a partner by her side, and says the judgement over her decision to ‘go it alone’ has clouded the reality that she is a strong, capable woman.
Her pro-choice philosophy and immediate connection to the human growing inside her swayed Tessa to keep the 17-month-old little girl she now calls Memphis
The young mother is now navigating the murky waters of parenthood without a partner by her side, and says the judgement over her decision to ‘go it alone’ has clouded the reality she is a strong, capable woman
‘Throughout this experience I have never been ashamed of my story,’ Tessa said
In hindsight, Tessa says her initial panic over what effect single motherhood would have on her daughter were unfounded
‘The common narrative around single motherhood, and casual sex is all about women “tricking” men into pregnancy, women trying to scam money off the government, and women being incredibly promiscuous and naive when it comes to contraception,’ Tessa said.
‘It simply comes down to being a woman in our current society. People think of single mothers and they see struggle rather then strength. Single fathers though? Heroes.’
In hindsight, Tessa says her initial panic over what effect single motherhood would have on her daughter was unfounded.
‘I realised my fears of Memphis being raised in a single parent household are just not an issue – she lives in a world full of love, kindness and respect,’ she adds.