Wonkish Keir Starmer stared peevishly at the hecklers

Labour’s Sir Keir Starmer, he of the hesitant voice and scraped-sideways hairdo, is a complete and utter lawyer. 

He is incapable of popularising his legalistic tone, adapting it to the parliamentary format.

That dry loftiness, wonkishness or whatever you call it, sums up the problem with our pro-Brussels elite. They discern little need to connect with the voters.

Yesterday’s Second Reading of the Brexit Bill – the European Union (Withdrawal) Bill, to give it the formal name – demanded a punchy description of principles, preferably with some theatricality and Tabasco. 

That is what you need in a House of Commons Second Reading. The time for detail comes later in the committee stage.

Second Reading is your fast bowler’s first over, the opening chapter in your thriller, your chance to grip the collar of both House and nation. Instead, Shadow Brexit Secretary Sir Keir burrowed into reams of paper. 

He paused. He stared peevishly at hecklers and wits (he is not used to being teased or challenged, perhaps).

He proceeded to give a long, impossibly intricate presentation which would have been suited only to a court of law.

I don’t know how many of you have sat in on a court but the action does not move fast.

Barristers speak at glacial speed (think of that day rate!) and leave silences between paragraphs, to allow other lawyers to locate references to ‘bundle six, tab three, line 986’ etc.

Parliamentary oratory should be different. Its very democratic nature means you can not – certainly at Second Readings – be so forensic. You have normally 20 minutes in which to sell yourself. 

Ken Clarke (Con, Rushcliffe) did his usual ‘plague on all the parties and let’s stay in the Single Market’ thing

Whack it off the middle of the bat! Show some flair! The democratic imperative here is to distil a position to something that can be widely understood.

As Sir Keir spoke yesterday, MPs flicked through their Order Papers as they tried to follow his arguments. Behind him sat a Labour backbench greaser, one Emma Hardy (new MP for Hull W). 

She was doing ludicrous facial emoting, desperate to convey her support for Sir Keir, but she was unable to iron the corrugations from her brow.

Poor love, she looked as baffled as the rest of us.

Sir Keir was (I think) arguing that the Government was being didactic in proposing to adopt the mass of EU rules into British law – in order to ensure continuity until such time as they can be reviewed by the newly-independent Commons.

These are laws which were mainly imposed on us in the first place by Brussels, without discussion in the Commons. Yet Europhile Sir Keir now was suddenly fretting about oversight by the Westminster parliament.

The Government argued that such fears were unnecessary. David Davis, Brexit Secretary, had earlier done his now customary turn of Mister Reasonable.

When asked to agree to this or that concession, he did not dismiss Europhiles out of hand. Rather he said, ‘That sounds reasonable’, or, ‘Let’s have a talk’. Beside him sat Theresa May, although (lucky devil) she left after five minutes of Sir Keir’s eye-glazer of a speech. 

Ken Clarke (Con, Rushcliffe) did his usual ‘plague on all the parties and let’s stay in the Single Market’ thing. Sir Vince Cable, Lib Dem leader, was absent, as were most of the Scots Nats.

The hapless Starmer should watch the speech given later by his Remainer colleague Hilary Benn (Leeds C). It was about a fifth as long and five times more immediate, delivered with vocal variations, burning eyes and greater directness.

Sir Bill Cash (Con, Stone) said what was happening now in the transfer of laws was simply ‘the mirror’ of what happened over the years when the EU stole our sovereignty. ‘This is an historic moment and I am glad to be part of it at last,’ said old Bill.

Meanwhile, Labour Euro- sceptic Kate Hoey (Vauxhall) attacked her party’s U-turn on Brexit and said it would lose support from working-class voters. ‘We need to show that this country is united,’ said Miss Hoey.