A student with schizophrenia is ‘haunted’ by horror movie villains every day.
Cecilia McGough, 23, from Woodstock, Virginia, hallucinates coming face-to-face with the terrifying clown from Stephen King’s horror classic ‘It’ every day.
She also imagines a young girl, similar to the one from The Ring, stalking and stabbing her, which Ms McGough, who studies health policy administration at Pennsylvania State University, feels as excruciating pain.
Ms McGough, whose condition has caused her to visit a psychiatric ward several times, said: ‘I refer my hallucinations to these horror movies as it’s the easiest way I can describe my experiences, because I don’t see anything like them in real life, only in the horror genre.’
Despite battling with the stigma of her condition, including ex-boyfriends mocking her, Ms McGough is stable and founded the support group Students With Schizophrenia, which aims to educate college campuses on the condition.
Schizophrenia affects 1.1 per cent of people over 18 in the US. Worldwide, up to 51 million people suffer, with past research suggesting patients are around 50 per cent more likely to attempt suicide.
Cecilia McGough, who suffers from schizophrenia, is ‘haunted’ by movie villains every day
Ms McGough (pictured with her boyfriend Siddharth Sharma, 21) hallucinates coming face-to-face with the terrifying clown from Stephen King’s iconic horror film ‘It’ on a daily basis
As a child, Ms McGough hallucinated shadowy figures, who her parents called ‘Mr Blobman’
‘My brain registers the stabbing as an actual feeling’
Speaking of being ‘stabbed’, Ms McGough said: ‘I hallucinated the sharp pains either in my chest or my stomach or my thighs or my face, long before I actually visualised the girl.
‘She is worse than the clown because the clown more just taunts and giggles and says short phrases, but the girl carries on a continuing conversation and can really chip away at my insecurities.
‘And since she carries a knife around with her, my brain registers the stabbing as an actual feeling. It’s very painful and distracting.’
Ms McGough first experienced schizophrenia symptoms as a child, but only researched the condition after hearing about it on the TV show Criminal Minds.
She said: ‘My hallucinations first started out as shadowy figures that my parents would call Mr Blobman.
‘But as I got older I started hearing sort of static-y whispers in my ears, like when you have a radio dialed between two stations.
‘My immediate response was “I am possessed” or “I am seeing ghosts” but it was much easier to deal with once I realised I had schizophrenia.’
Ms McGough’s condition has caused her to endure several stays in a psychiatric ward
She is now stable and determined to raise awareness of what it is like to have the disorder
After believing she was possessed, her diagnosis makes the disorder easier to live with
Her parents initially discouraged her treatment in case people thought she was dangerous
They worried people knowing about Ms McGough’s condition would stop her getting a job
‘People would think that I am dangerous or crazy’
Despite her parents’ support, the stigma of schizophrenia initially discouraged them from seeking treatment for their daughter.
Ms McGough said: ‘My mom thought that people would think that I am dangerous or be afraid of me, think that I was crazy and think I wouldn’t be able to get a job.’
Her condition also had a big impact on Ms McGough’s love life. She said: ‘I remember telling my high school boyfriend about the clown that I was hallucinating; he was the first person I’d told outside my family and he actually laughed about it.
‘I don’t really blame him. Neither of us knew what schizophrenia was and we were both young and since then he has apologised to me about it.’
Regardless of the setbacks, Ms McGough thrived academically and even discovered a pulsar, which is a rotating star that emits electromagnetic radiation, while still at secondary school.
She is also supported by her current boyfriend Siddharth Sharma, 21, who said: ‘Cecilia told me about her condition I would say the first time we met. She was very open about it, so that definitely helped.
‘I am really proud of her for raising awareness about schizophrenia.’
Although her current boyfriend (pictured) is supportive, a past fling laughed at her symptoms
Mr Sharma says Ms McGough’s immediate honesty about her condition helped him accept it
Mr Sharma adds he is proud of his girlfriend for raising awareness of schizophrenia
As a child, Ms McGough says she would hear ‘static-y whispers’ in her ears
Ms McGough wishes to send out the message that schizophrenia sufferers are ‘not monsters’
‘We are not monsters’
Ms McGough’s mental-health experiences have made her more determined to challenge the misconception of schizophrenia sufferers being violent.
She said: ‘I think the largest misconception of people with schizophrenia is that we are dangerous. The truth is you are more likely to be an abuse victim rather than abuser if you have schizophrenia.
‘If there is, say, a violent act, the media often bring up that person has schizophrenia. In the movies we are the plot twists at the end.
‘The reality is we blend right in. You really cannot tell if someone has schizophrenia or not. We are not monsters.
‘It’s very difficult for me to really imagine life without having schizophrenia because it has definitely changed how I lived my life.
‘But really not living in fear of that secret was very liberating. I realized that yes, I hallucinate and the voices in my head can be very troubling but really it was the negative voices of real people outside that I feared the most.’
Ms McGough founded the support group Students With Schizophrenia while at Penn State
The network aims to educate college campuses globally on the condition
Ms McGough (pictured with other members of Students With Schizophrenia) also set up the group to provide mental health and legal support for sufferers of the condition
Ms McGough (pictured with the group’s members) say schizophrenia patients ‘blend right in’