After years of controversy, more than £1 billion spent and 2.4 million tickets sold, the start of the world’s biggest sporting jamboree is now just days away.
Welcome to the World Cup 2018, which kicks off on Thursday when hosts Russia play Saudi Arabia. During a month-long feast of football, 32 countries will play a total of 64 matches across 11 cities.
Travelling England fans are spending an average of £6,000 to cheer on the Three Lions, while back at home, pubs are banking on World Cup fever to boost profits, and takeaway firms such as Domino’s are hoping to cash in on football-themed house parties.
But ignore the threats of boycotts, claims of corruption, fears of hooliganism and Vladimir Putin strutting like a peacock. And take your eyes off the beautiful game for a minute too because football is only the half of it.
Whether it’s WAGs, hunks, handy phrases or diamond-encrusted bottles of vodka, here’s our essential guide to what’s really important over the next four weeks…
WHO’LL WIN THE WAR OF THE WAGS…
Bruna Marquezine, 22, is the girlfriend of Brazilian superstar Neymar
Bruna Marquezine
Brazilian superstar Neymar and his actress girlfriend Bruna, 22, have endured a turbulent relationship since meeting six years at the Rio Carnival, but they rekindled their romance at the end of last year.
They’re Brazil’s answer to Posh and Becks – but with added samba.
Neymar currently earns £1.1 million a month, while Bruna, who has 28 million followers on Instagram, has been a soap star since she was a child. Together they are said to be worth £100 million.
Edurne Garcia
Edurne Garcia, 32, is the wife of Man Utd goalkeeper David De Gea
Manchester United’s David De Gea is one of the best goalkeepers in the world.
But his beautiful wife Edurne Garcia, 32, is perhaps one of the Spaniard’s finer catches.
The Madrid-born pop star is her country’s answer to Alesha Dixon, starring as a judge on Spain’s Got Talent after making a series of hit records.
Eagle-eyed Eurovision fans might also recognise her as Spain’s representative in the competition in 2015… although she came only 21st.
Anastasia Kudryashova
Anastasia Kudryashova is married to hunky Russian defender Fyodor Kudryashova
Meet the Queen of the Wagskis.
Stunning model Anastasia is married to hunky Russian defender Fyodor Kudryashova and is a regular at her husband’s Russian premier league games.
Her millions of social media followers will know she doesn’t allow the icy winters in their home city of Kazan, where temperatures can dip to a chilly -40C, prevent her from posing in scanty attire.
Ruby Mae
‘Social media influencer’ Ruby Mae’s boyfriend is Spurs midfielder Dele Alli
Leading the England WAGs will be Ruby Mae, in Russia to spur on her boyfriend Dele Alli, the Tottenham midfielder.
The 23-year-old is the described as a ‘social media influencer’, paid to sell clothes to her 60,000 Instagram followers.
Ruby is also a successful model for clients including Chanel and Dolce & Gabbana – and loves living the high life with Dele. The pair regularly share photos of their luxury jaunts on private jets and sumptuous yachts with their envious internet followers.
Anna Lewandowska
Anna Lewandowska is the wife of Polish striker and captain Robert Lewandowski
Polish striker and captain Robert Lewandowski has more reason than most not to step out of line.
His 29-year-old wife Anna is not only beautiful, but also a former world karate champion with more than 30 gold medals on the mantelpiece.
Since retiring from competitive sport, she studied nutrition and now has her own healthy eating blog which she promotes to her 1.7 million Instagram followers. She also has a health food company – as well as being mum to baby daughter Klara.
… AND WHO’LL HAVE FEMALE FANS SWOONING?
Mats Hummels
‘One towering man hunk’ Mats Hummels, 32, is the poster boy for German football
He is the 6ft 4in poster boy for German football, described by Glamour magazine as ‘one towering man hunk’. But hands off, girls, the hausfrau’s favourite is married… to a woman who was named the country’s top WAG.
Hummels, 32 – who has also been named one of football’s best-dressed players off the field – married Cathy Fischer in 2015 in a relatively modest ceremony in Munich, where he plays in defence for Bayern Munich.
The couple had their first child in January and Cathy now has her own successful ‘mummy blog’ where she shares her tips for happiness. Hubby’s £136,000-a-week pay packet may help.
James Rodriguez
Colombian footballer James Rodriguez is an occasional underwear model – and is newly available
His buff torso and Hollywood smile have earned this Colombian a reputation as one of the hunkiest footballers on the planet.
Now the adoring fans of the occasional underwear model will be delighted to learn that he is newly available after being ‘released’ by his pro volleyball-playing wife Daniela Ospina.
Rodriguez, 26, earns an estimated £21 million a year and, like Hummels, plays for Bayern. But there is good news for English fans – he’s rumoured to be a transfer target for Manchester United.
Radamel Falcao
Radamel Falcao is devoted to wife Lorelei Taron, an Argentinian singer he met at Mass ten years ago
With his flowing locks and muscular torso, Colombia’s hunky goal machine has become a huge hit with his legions of female admirers.
Sadly for them, the AS Monaco star is devoted to wife Lorelei Taron, an Argentinian singer he met at Mass ten years ago.
The former Manchester United ace isn’t, however, just a pretty face. Last year, Falcao, 32, became the Colombian national team’s all-time top-goalscorer, scoring his 26th goal in a 2–2 draw with Spain
Olivier Giroud
Chelsea striker Olivier Giroud is also the face of a Hugo Boss fragrance and has his own calendar
The Premier League pin-up once complained that he was fed up of people talking about his looks rather that his footballing prowess.
Yet that hasn’t stopped him getting his (football) kit off to advertise underwear brands. Monsieur Giroud cites David Beckham as his style icon. He’s got the well-manicured hair and tattoos to match.
The 31-year-old Chelsea striker is also the face of a Hugo Boss fragrance and has his own calendar. So perhaps it’s rather predictable that he was also voted the hottest footballer in Britain in 2015. Va-va-voom, indeed!
Cristiano Ronaldo
Portuguese superstar Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t just a goal machine but he is a money-making one too
Impossibly bronzed and waxed, Ronaldo is most definitely his own number one fan.
The Portuguese superstar, 33, isn’t just a goal machine but he is a money-making one too. Recently he launched his own CR7 brand which flogs everything from boxer shorts – skimpy and tight with ‘Cristiano’ emblazoned on the waistband – to hotel rooms (footballing hunks not included).
And, in case he ever gets fed up of admiring himself, he has a mini-me: his son, immodestly also called Cristiano Ronaldo.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has spent billions on the World Cup because he knows the world’s biggest sporting tournament will make the world come to him
THE BIG GAME’S IN THE KREMLIN
Russia has become an international pariah following its meddling in Western elections, its backing for Syrian tyrant Bashar Assad, its invasion of Ukraine and the nerve agent attack on Sergei and Yulia Skripal in Salisbury.
But Russian President Vladimir Putin has spent billions on the World Cup because he knows the world’s biggest sporting tournament will make the world come to him.
Expect Russia’s longest-serving leader since Stalin to bask in the attention he craves. And to use the expensive spectacle to increase his standing among his own people.
ULTRA-TERRIFYING
Russia’s fearsome Ultras have elevated off-field violence to a terrifying new level.
While England’s thugs are typically tattooed, overweight, beery louts, the ultra-tattooed, ultra-gym-honed Ultras release YouTube videos of their fighting camps in the Russian forests and have threatened to unleash mayhem at the World Cup – with English fans their prime target.
Russia’s fearsome Ultras have elevated off-field violence to a terrifying new level
They have been linked to white supremacists, and in Kiev last year some of the thugs sported Vladimir Putin masks marked with swastikas.
They are a good deal more fearsome than the ageing Russian players they ‘support’. Perhaps its a good job that Prince William and other notable dignitaries have shown this year’s World Cup the red card.
CHEER UP, COMRADE
Russians who work on the railways and the Moscow Metro have been given lessons in how to smile as they prepare to welcome international football fans.
Their teacher Elnara Mustafina said: ‘Russian people don’t usually smile. That’s why, when other people come to Russia, they think Russians are not friendly.’
But not everything warrants a smile: 6,000 volunteers have been given an English-Russian phrasebook with entries including, ‘He got in a fight and now he’s unconscious’ and, ‘We need to stop the bleeding.’
HAVE WE GOT A HOPE?
As the Three Lions anthem goes, ‘30 years of hurt, never stopped me dreaming’. It’s 52 years now and England still dreams.
But there is hope in the form of Harry Kane, one of the squad’s youngest ever captains.
As the Three Lions anthem goes, ‘30 years of hurt, never stopped me dreaming’. It’s 52 years now and England still dreams
The Spurs striker, 24, will lead one England’s most youthful ever World Cup squads, which includes Marcus Rashford, 20, and Trent Alexander-Arnold, 19.
However, expectations – perhaps wisely – are muted for coach Gareth Southgate’s team. William Hill give them odds of 16-1 to win.
LEARN THE LINGO
Here are some Russian phrases England fans might need in the coming weeks.
‘I bolen, kak popugai’ is ‘sick as a parrot’. ‘Nu kto tak igraet…!’ means ‘Who the hell plays this badly?’ ‘Get some glasses, ref’ is ‘Vozmi ochki, sudya’ while the locals like to shout: ‘Sudyu na mylo’…. which apparently means they want to make soap out of the ref.
If Harry Kane misses a sitter, it’s a simple ‘Mazila’ and if there’s a bad pass, it’s ‘Kozel, ty kuda podaesh?’ ‘It’s a game of two halves’ is ‘podozhdem do kontsa igry’, literally ‘wait till the end of the game’. And ‘Naves’ means ‘on me ’ead, son.’
WE GET GARY, THEY GET HER!
The BBC’s Match Of The Day coverage will be led, as always, by jug-eared crisp salesman Gary Lineker.
But Russians get former beauty queen Victoria Lopyreva, the official ambassador of the tournament.
The BBC’s Match Of The Day coverage will be led by Gary Lineker – but Russians get former beauty queen Victoria Lopyreva
She will be presenting the coverage for leading broadcaster Channel One as well as interviewing the players, who will doubtless be queuing up to share their views.
Victoria, 34, is a model, actress and reality TV star who was named Miss Russia in 2003, and is now one of the country’s best-known TV hosts.
PARTY LIKE A RUSSIAN
When in Russia, drink lots of vodka. For nibbles, why not indulge in traditional blinis and caviar
When in Russia (or watching from home) why not do what the Russians do? Drink lots of vodka.
While the oligarchs will be sipping Billionaire Vodka, which costs £2.8 million per six-litre diamond-studded bottle, Chase vodkas offer an English alternative, made in Herefordshire and costing a more modest £40 a time.
It’s available in flavours including marmalade and elderflower. For nibbles, why not indulge in traditional blinis and caviar, or the less appealing shchi (cabbage soup). For dessert, try pyshki: Russian doughnuts.