He has a dream. ‘It is always an Old Firm game and it is scoreless. John Collins sprints down the wing and he crosses the ball to me. I am free, slipped my marker, and in front of goal. The ball comes across me and I swipe at it. I miss. The crowd groans, then screams at me. My mother is in the stand crying. My son is shouting that I’m not very good.
‘This never happened, it’s only a dream,’ says Tony Cascarino.
The reality, though, was painful enough. Celtic travel to Rangers on Saturday and some memories cause a painful, dull clang that echo down the years.
Tony Cascarino scored one of his four Celtic goals in an Old Firm derby draw
Anthony Guy Cascarino, born 55 years ago in Kent, played for four clubs that have won the Champions League/European Cup: Chelsea, Aston Villa, Celtic and Marseille. He pulled on the Republic of Ireland jersey 88 times and played in a European Championship and two World Cups.
But the unbidden images of an imaginary humiliation against Rangers still haunt his nights after his turbulent, frantic and ultimately dispiriting spell at Celtic from July 1991 until February 1992.
‘I have several recurring dreams,’ adds Cascarino. ‘The Collins one is a regular as is one where I am a footballer again and, being 55, am trying to hide my age as I seek a new contract.’
The latter reverie is always set in France. ‘I played really well at Marseille,’ he says. ‘It was after Celtic and Chelsea and I was let go by both. But Marseille was good.’
He played for the French side for three seasons, leading them back into the top flight after the depredations of owner Bernard Tapie. He scored 61 goals in 88 appearances. He was known as Tony Goals.
He was known by other names in Glasgow. He tells a story in his autobiography, published in 2000, of being harangued in public by a critic he encountered early in his stay with Celtic.
Cascarino says the Old Firm derby is one of the fiercest games he has ever played in
He relived the experience with his team-mates, who told him that sort of unpleasant experience was to be expected in Glasgow where the rivalries are both visible and audible. Cascarino replied sheepishly that his tormentor was a Celtic supporter.
This sort of criticism has survived the passage of time.
‘I was on TalkSport chortling about how surreal it was for Celtic to go from playing Hamilton Academical to facing Paris Saint-Germain,’ he adds. ‘I got a Tweet from a guy saying I was the worst player ever to have been at the club and I had no right to laugh at Celtic.’
The former striker, now a commentator on radio, television and newspapers, is the epitome of the gnarled old pro, scarred by experience rather than invigorated by past glory. He was once, though, the innocent abroad.
On a Glasgow derby Saturday, he speaks to the power of an Old Firm match and the unease it can prompt in players who have no conception of its significance.
Rangers will almost certainly field a side bristling with Glasgow derby debutants. They may come from Scotland, Mexico, Portugal and elsewhere. They will share an unsettling unfamiliarity with an extraordinary match.
Cascarino played in big games at club and international level but the two Rangers matches he featured in were simply unlike anything else in his career.
‘I was staying at a hotel when I came to Celtic and, on the morning of the first Rangers match, I went down to reception and everyone was talking about the game,’ says Cascarino of a Celtic side that included such players/fans as Peter Grant, Charlie Nicholas, Gerry Creaney, Tommy Coyne and Paul McStay.
‘It was clear that we couldn’t lose. That came not just from the fans but it was the mindset of the players all week.
‘The players were clear that we couldn’t come in on Monday morning after a defeat.
‘The build-up causes a lot of pressure. Everyone knows that defeat is not an option. But it was the hatred that shocked me. There is no other word, trust me. It was not just among the fans but it seemed to infect the players, too. The atmosphere was poisonous.’
The first of his two Old firm games was a 2-0 loss at Parkhead.
‘Rangers were the dominant side then. How the circle has turned. But they were and beat us cosily,’ he says.
The tribalism of the time unnerved him.
‘I was used to socialising with players from other teams,’ he adds. ‘I had an issue at Celtic because Terry Hurlock was my friend — I played with him at Millwall — and he was at Rangers.
‘I would have a drink with Terry and I was told by some players: “You were out drinking with a Rangers player”. I would reply: “Not really, he’s a Millwall player. That’s how I know him”.
‘But that situation was alien to me. In London, you’d go out with players from other clubs. It was made known to me here that was unacceptable. It was new to me and I didn’t quite get it.
‘I didn’t quite understand the ferociousness of the relationship between Celtic and Rangers. I knew about it, of course. But you can’t prepare yourself for it and you can’t understand any of it until you are into it. And even then…’
The second Old Firm game offered him a limited redemption. It ended 1-1 and Cascarino scored for Celtic. He latched on to an errant back pass and finished slickly. This confident, emphatic moment was in contrast to generally tentative performances that yielded just four goals for the club.
He is blunt and unforgiving about his time at Celtic. He admitted in his autobiography that he was a ‘negative thinker’ and believes this trait plagued his time in Glasgow.
‘I came into football late, through the back door,’ he says of an amateur career that ended when Gillingham signed him.
‘When you are young and raw, you don’t think it about it too much. You attack everything. You throw yourself at anything and everything. But when you are established as a million-pound player, then you start to think. And when I start to think I can get self-doubt.’
He talks of the internal voice that tried to sabotage every match, compromise his every chance of scoring.
‘My naivety went and it was replaced by doubt,’ he insists. ‘My confidence was shot at Celtic.’
When Liam Brady, his friend and then manager, told him after one match that he was c**p, Cascarino could only agree.
‘I don’t want to make excuses,’ he says of his time at Celtic. ‘My only regret is that it was the perfect move at the wrong time. I didn’t show what I was close to being capable of. It was my worst time in football. The worst. It should have been the perfect scenario: Irish centre-forward plays well for Celtic. It wasn’t.’
He arrived at Celtic with a knee injury that restricted his preparation. It was the perfect storm with a health issue affecting his ability to become fully fit. The weight piled on, the confidence slipped away.
‘I struggled in a struggling team with a manager who was struggling,’ he says. ‘I was made a scapegoat and that is fair because I didn’t play well. If I put on a little bit of timber, I suddenly look and feel not very athletic and I struggle. I was not in peak condition then.
‘I am still proud that I scored against Rangers. That meant a lot to Celtic fans. Everything that had gone before was forgotten for 30 seconds, at least.’
So, what advice can he give to the debutants, most of whom will be playing in light-blue shirts against a dominant Celtic.
‘I can relate to them in that they will be the underdogs,’ he says.
He pauses before blurting out: ‘Cor blimey.’ The one-time pride of the Republic of Ireland has not forgotten the Cockney vernacular but he remembers the language of Old Firm matches, too.
‘I would say: “Don’t even think of enjoying it. Roll up your sleeves and put your tin hat on”.’
A veteran of Old Firm mayhem is remembering the front line and, perhaps, the wounds it inflicted.