Citroën C4 Cactus Flair PureTech 130
Halfway through a priceless fortnight off with the ankle-biters. ‘What time is it, Daddy?’ ‘The time is now,’ I reply. ‘And it’s going to stay now until next Sunday evening.’
‘Why, what time will it be then?’
‘Time for school in the morning.’
‘Oh no.’
‘Well you did ask. But, hey, don’t worry, there are still seven sleeps to go. Until then we party.’
This car is deceptively roomy. All passengers were more than comfortable all of the time
For the kids this involves such hedonism as pancakes every day for breakfast: Grandad’s recipe, with audacious daubs of Nutella and vast quantities of maple syrup. While they’re fuelling up for the day, I can be found revelling in such gloriously self-indulgent holiday challenges as trying to figure out how to change the ringtone on my iPhone to, ooh let’s see, Cosmic, Ripples or By The Seaside (strokes chin and furrows brow). Um, I wonder…
Mrs Evans, on the other hand, has been smiling. A lot. At all of us, at everyone, regardless of whether or not she knows them. She’s been smiling at buses, buildings, cats, dogs and park benches, from morning till night. Because we are very quietly and respectfully thrilled to be able to whisper that she is with child. In fact, children. Thanks to some very clever people, Tash has made it to 13-and-a-bit weeks. So far so good. We continue to keep everything crossed, 24 hours a day, for ourselves and everyone else in similar situations. With a bit of luck, Double Trouble will be joining us around the start of October.
What, then, of the Citroën C4 Cactus, the kooky little hatchback that’s been hauling the ‘six’ of us around since Easter? (Seven, if you include Eli’s new best friend.) This car is deceptively roomy. All passengers were more than comfortable all of the time. It was the front seats, however, that really captured the imagination. They are a blast from the past – a post-bench seat, old-school, utilitarian affair. The kind we used to reincarnate as den furniture back in the day after the vehicles they originally belonged to had basically fallen apart. If only the C4’s front seats were anywhere near as comfortable as they look…
Oh, hang on a mo’, they are. In fact they are ridiculously comfortable, and not just because of the generous retro size and shape, and the extra high-density foam padding beneath your backside.
The C4’s suspension has what Citroën calls ‘progressive hydraulic cushions’, which absorb potholes with aplomb and even smooth out the dreaded speed bumps.
The comfy thing is emblematic of what Citroën now seems to have decided is the former crossover’s reason for being, a conscious return to the French car-maker’s legendary air-suspension roots. Yes that’s right, you read that correctly, FORMER crossover. For the Cactus has now been recategorised as a family hatchback, leaving its Aircross range (the small C3 and upcoming larger C5) to battle for buyers in the fast-growing and stupidly saturated SUV market. Bold? Desperate? It doesn’t matter – if it works. Some of the most amazing creations of all time have arisen out of adversity and desperation.
The boot is, well, relatively amazing – or at least, relatively huge – for the size of car. How have they created all that space and still managed to accommodate those three rear perches? The sunroof is also a revelation. The see-through section encompasses almost all the roof space, begging the question: where on earth does it go when you open it? The answer is nowhere, because it doesn’t open at all. Which is fine by us because, even though we love the natural light provided by a sunroof, we never, ever open it. Hats off to Citroën, then, for the most common-sense automotive innovation this side of the Stone Age.
If only the same could be said for the infotainment system, which looks as if it’s still in the Stone Age. Not only is it of the temperamental touchscreen variety but the graphics are woefully ancient, especially in the context of what is otherwise an admirably ambitious interior-design statement. A joyously nutty, multicoloured, giant suitcase-themed environment complete with funky, luggage-handle-style door pulls and Louis Vuitton-style glove box. I thought it was fab. I love it when the French come across as if they just don’t care, which is usually a sign of precisely the opposite.
When it comes to driving, the mini-powerhouse three-cylinder engine shows all the attendant traits of a petrol engine doing its best to sound like a diesel. That said, the 130hp and 230Nm of torque available is yet another unexpected and welcome surprise. That’s more than enough punch for a vehicle such as this. The only thing to watch out for as a consequence of such might is the fact that the power can be a bit on and off where the accelerator pedal is concerned. This can cause the front to become a little light and vague if one’s right foot gets a bit over-excited.
As long as you’re not trying to qualify for next year’s world rally championship, there’s little to worry about when it comes to the steering and handling
The driving position was a little too sit-up-and-beg for me. The brakes, however, were as keen as mustard, and as long as you’re not trying to qualify for next year’s world rally championship, there’s little to worry about when it comes to the steering and handling. Yes, there’s a degree of body roll when cornering hard, but this car’s raison d’être is comfort, not out-and-out speed.
I do miss the old Cactus airbumps on the doors, which are now reduced to little flourishes near the sills. I thought they gave the car a confident and quirky character. But one that perhaps proved to be too Marmite for many potential C4 buyers, ultimately putting them off. I get it. I’ll get over it.
In the meantime, I’m now looking forward to a raft of cool, practical, cost-effective seven-seaters to test. How about the new VW Tiguan Allspace for starters? As well as the Skoda Kodiaq of course. Swoon.