EPHRAIM HARDCASTLE: Prince Andrew frustrated he can’t pursue his business interests in the US

Prince Andrew’s bewilderment at not yet receiving his share of his mother’s £370million fortune is coupled with his frustration at not being able to pursue his remaining business interests in the USA. 

He hasn’t crossed the pond since May 2017 when he was in Los Angeles visiting old pal Michael Milken. 

Milken, an American billionaire financier, encouraged Andrew to promote his Pitch@Palace enterprise and is now encouraging Andrew to return to the business world. 

Alas, should the Epstein-tainted Andrew pack his teddies for a transatlantic trip, the FBI, still keen to interview him, might await him on the tarmac.

BBC World News presenter Laura Trevelyan, whose family donated £100,000 to Grenada and apologised for their role in slavery, asks in Radio Times how far King Charles is prepared to go in acknowledging the Royal Family’s role in sanctioning the slave trade. 

HM would be far too polite to inquire gently how far Laura is prepared to go in addressing the role of her four-times great-grandfather Sir Charles Trevelyan in the Irish Famine. 

Trevelyan, the official responsible for famine relief when one million notoriously starved, declared: ‘The judgement of God sent the calamity to teach the Irish a lesson.’

If King Charles were to write his children’s story The Old Man of Lochnagar today, would he find a publisher? 

The 1980 tale about a Balmoral hermit living in a cave features an old man (ageism), a race of little people in Scotland (hurtful to the disabled), farting (bad taste), a lavatory which plays the bagpipes when flushed (racial overtones), unnatural use of animals (cruelty) and a tartan-clad woman angrily prodding a station master with an umbrella over her cancelled train (gratuitous violence). 

Might it attract the attention of Dahl’s sensitivity readers?

Former Chancellor George Osborne describes himself as a ‘starstruck fan’ of Logan Roy, the famous alter ego of actor Brian Cox (pictured)

Appearing alongside Succession actor Brian Cox, on Channel 4’s The Andrew Neil Show, former Chancellor George Osborne describes himself as a ‘starstruck fan’ of the Scot’s famous alter ego Logan Roy, cheekily asking: ‘I don’t know if they’ll allow it on Channel 4 for us to hear Logan Roy’s most famous [‘f*** off!’] catchphrase?’ Cox responds: ‘George, you have to pay me an enormous amount of money to swear… I charge for that now.’ 

Indeed. Brian currently charges £572 per video to swear at fans Logan-style.

After dropping Gary Lineker from Match Of The Day without checking that he had a replacement ready, BBC Director-General Tim Davie emerges with a new nickname. Like Vladimir Putin, who thought he could easily rid Ukraine of Volodymyr Zelensky, Tim is now known as ‘Vlad’.

Emerging gongless from the Oscars, Banshees of Inisherin director Martin McDonagh will not be amused by Charles Moore and his wife Caroline’s discovery of a howler in the film when Jenny the donkey throws up before choking to death on a finger. 

‘Donkeys,’ observed his lordship, ‘like horses and cows, cannot vomit.’