Emetic Alec Baldwin and his fake-Spaniard bambino-factory Hilaria are selling out their family of nine in a last greedy grasp for cash with a new reality show, ‘The Baldwins’.
You know who won’t have their own family reality show? Halyna Hutchins, the cinematographer and young mom who Baldwin accidentally shot and killed on the set of ‘Rust’ in 2021.
Alec is preparing to stand trial in a matter of weeks, charged in New Mexico with Hutchins’s involuntary manslaughter.
TLC – home to wholesome cultural touchstones such as ’90 Day Fiancé’ and ‘MILF Manor’ – is footing the bill for this most repellently narcissistic show, due out next year.
Which makes me wonder: How will filming continue if Alec ends up in the clink (‘Rust’ armorer Hannah Gutierrez-Reed was sentenced to 18 months behind bars on the same charges in April)?
Emetic Alec Baldwin and his fake-Spaniard baby-factory Hilaria are selling out their family of nine in a last greedy grasp for cash with a new reality show, ‘The Baldwins’.
Just imagine the hijinks.
Alec quietly sobbing over news of yet another positive pregnancy test.
Wife Hillary – a basic white girl from Boston who spent a few summers in Spain and now sounds like Javier Bardem – corralling her Latinx brood as they run roughshod round the Santa Fe jail.
A TLC press release promised – threatened? – that the Baldwins will ‘open up their lives for the first time and bring everyone in to join the non-stop love, laughter and drama.’
Because there is nothing funnier than the drama of a family torn apart – Hutchins’s then 9-year-old son left psychically speechless for two days upon learning of his mother’s death.
And what about the non-stop love Alec demonstrated in that smug sit down with ABC News reputation-launderer George Stephanopoulos where he seemingly implicated Hutchins in her own death?
‘Everything is at her direction,’ Baldwin moaned in December 2021. ‘I’m holding the gun where she told me to hold it, which ended up right below her armpit.’
You know who won’t have their own family reality show? Halyna Hutchins, the cinematographer who Baldwin accidentally shot and killed on the set of ‘Rust’ in 2021.
Alec is preparing to stand trial in matter of weeks, charged in New Mexico with Hutchins’s involuntary manslaughter.
In another vomitous show promo this week, Alec ‘It Wossont Me’ Baldwin personally teased: ‘We’re inviting you into our home to experience the ups and downs, the good and bad, the wild and the crazy.’
Such wild and crazy ups and downs include:
- Hilaria and Alec squawking at photographers on the side of a highway, before strutting for said photographers in oh-so-posed pap walks donning pantie-hugging fishnets… in mid-January New York City!
- And fluffy family man Alec calling his then 11-year-old daughter Ireland, from his previous marriage, a ‘thoughtless little pig’ in a 2007 voicemail.
Tight purse strings and plummeting social capital truly make the most unsightly among us even uglier.
Fresh H&M humiliation
If losing the friendship of Posh and Becks wasn’t humiliating enough, the sucky Sussexes have had a soccer-ball-shaped hole ripped in their Netflix raft – with viewing figures sinking like a stone.
Newly released data from the streamer saw Queen Victoria (and Consort Dave) emerge triumphant, bagging 43.9 million views in the second half of last year for their hit docuseries.
By comparison, H&M’s whimpering whinge-a-thon crawled across the goal line with just 12.6 million.
Turns out golden balls shine brighter than ginger.
Auf Wiedersehen, bra!
German-model and bratwurst-tease Heidi Klum celebrated her 51st birthday by sunning her luft balloons in a totally nude Insta selfie.
Clearly this frau hasn’t grown out of her insatiable hunger for attention.
German-model and bratwurst-tease Heidi Klum celebrated her 51st birthday by sunning her luft balloons in a totally nude Insta selfie.
Hunter’s leading ladies
As Hunter Biden’s Delaware gun trial begins, Dr. Jill is pulling on her best pantsuits for in-person shows of step-motherly support.
Also in lady tow are half-sister Ashley – of ‘showers w/ my dad’ infamy – and wife Melissa Cohen.
Bleach-blonde and clearly bad-built, Mad Melissa – a fresh 38 to Hunter’s 54 – has been getting into the swing of things, calling a Trump staffer ‘Nazi piece of s**t’ outside the courthouse.
Perhaps she’ll simmer down when she realizes she may soon have to re-enter the man market if Hunter ends up in the hoosegow.
Parade of ignorance
It was a rainbow run-in when ‘Queers4Palestine’ protesters tried to disrupt a Philly Pride parade donning a curious collection of keffiyehs and butt-baring bondage gear.
One poster read ‘No Pride In Genocide’ – but does anyone have the heart to tell these unworldly wokeys that homophobic Islamists would love to commit genocide against all the letters in the LGBTQIA alphabet?
Baby Gaga?
Lady Gaga looked full of life at her sister Natali’s wedding this weekend, sporting a huge smile and a noticeable bump that sent tongues wagging: Might a new star be born this way in the next few months?
But fans hoping they’d be going goo-goo over a tiny monster in the mama oven were left disappointment when she quashed the rumors in a statement Tuesday.
A reminder that there are a number of reasons a starlet might not remain stick thin. And as we well know, it’s never polite to ask a Lady.
Lady Gaga looked full of life at her sister Natali’s wedding this weekend, sporting a huge smile and a noticeable bump that sent tongues wagging: Might a new star be born this way in the next few months?
Cry-baby Caitlin
WNBA flop-artist Caitlin Clark must have an awful time dribbling while balancing that halo.
Our Martyr of Iowa is the talk of the town after Chicago Sky’s Chennedy Carter hip-checked her into the mezzanine during Saturday’s WNBA game.
‘That’s just not a basketball play,’ Saint Caitlin preached afterwards. ‘But you know, I’ve gotta play through it.’
Someone get this girl a crown of thorns!
If Clark didn’t dive like Michael Phelps every time someone coughed in her direction, I’d have a bit more sympathy.
And that $28 million Nike sponsorship deal doesn’t exactly scream ‘victim’ either.
Congress clown show
Tennessee Rep. John Rose must have missed the memo that Congress is not a daycare center, because his 6-year-old spawn Guy upstaged him Monday, pulling faces from the benches for the cameras.
Rose’s wife Chelsea – whom he met when he was 42, she a 17-year-old high schooler, and married four years later when she was of legal age – could’ve picked up her son, but perhaps she doesn’t have her license yet.
Tennessee Rep. John Rose must have missed the memo that Congress is not a daycare center, because his 6-year-old spawn Guy upstaged him Monday, pulling faces from the benches for the cameras.
Grim justice
Sicko Canadian serial-killer Robert Pickton strangled the life out of potentially dozens of prostitutes and Indigenous women on a years-long spree in the late 90s and early 2000s.
In an extra grim twist, Pickton – a farmer by trade – then fed his victims’ corpses to his pigs.
When he was finally caught, the government had to issue an advisory to those who might have eaten his pork products.
Pickton was beaten to death in the pokey last week. Enjoy hell, eh?
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