Man expects girlfriend to start paying half his mortgage payments after finding out her salary

A woman has split opinion after revealing her boyfriend asked her to pay half his monthly mortgage payment after she revealed her salary to him.

The anonymous woman, 22,  believed to be from the UK, posted to Reddit under the moniker BusinessSubstantial7 asking for advice and explaining that her boyfriend, 29, had recently decided to move in together after being together for a yea and a half.

The woman, a social media manager, is renting an apartment  – at a third of a cost of half the mortgage – and her boyfriend, a doctor, had bought a house just before they started dating.   

She explained: ‘Before moving in together, we thought it’d be best to discuss finances.

‘He told me how much he makes and it was more or less what I expected. When I told him how much I make, he kind of laughed and said I’m supposed to tell him how much I make per month, not per year. I told him no, that’s how much I make per month. His shock was understandable to me- I make 150 per cent of his salary’.

‘I told him that it’s just because I work for a client in a country where the currency is nearly 20x stronger. If I had this same job in our country, I would only make a quarter of what he does.

‘I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle so you wouldn’t be able to tell that I make as much money as I do by just looking at me. 

‘I still live in a small apartment that I got when I was making less than 20 per cent of what I make now, and I never learned how to drive (I know, I know) so I don’t have a car and get around exclusively by e-hailing services.

‘Once the initial shock wore off, he said that’s great, because now I can pay half of his mortgage.

‘I was a little taken aback by that. I mean, it’s not like I wasn’t going to contribute to the household at all. I would’ve been happy to buy groceries, pay utilities and cook and clean because my workload is MUCH lighter than his. I told him this and that I wouldn’t pay half his mortgage.

‘He retorted that since I make so much more than him that the least I could do is pay just half the mortgage and that we could go half on groceries and utilities’.

She went on to explain that she believed it was ‘a little unfair’ because if they break up he gets the house an she’s left ‘with nothing’.

‘I offered up a compromise. His house is sparsely decorated to say the least. He has two one seat couches, a table that’s too big and a tv that’s too small. Oh, and a bed,’ she explained.

User BusinessSubstantial7 on Reddit, who took to the Am I The A**hole discussion page to ask for opinions on what she should do, and who was in the wrong

‘He’s never really there, so I get it. I told him that I would furnish the entire house and get the groceries, cook and clean, and we’d go half on utilities. But he still insisted that I pay half of the mortgage.

‘He said that I still need a place to live, and that if I was going to be paying rent anyway, paying his mortgage would be the same thing. He said I’m being an a****** for not wanting to pay it.

‘My boyfriend is a smart man so I don’t know if he doesn’t see the logic (or lack thereof in my opinion) of what he’s saying or if I’m being dumb and it’s not a big deal.

‘AITA for not wanting to pay half of my boyfriend’s mortgage?

‘Note: I would’ve been happy to pay half of his rent. It’s not about the money. It’s about the principle.’ 

The response from Reddit users was divided, with many saying that it sounded sketchy that the boyfriend only suggested this when he found out of her earnings.

Some others added that she shouldn’t expect to live somewhere without paying their way.

The response from Reddit users was divided, with many saying that it sounded sketchy that the boyfriend only suggested this when he found out of her earnings

One commented: ‘ESH [everyone sucks here]. Your boyfriend is acting at least mildly entitled by immediately saying that you should pay half his mortgage. It sounds a bit presumptuous and greedy, to be honest. Almost as if he is grabbing at your salary now that he knows how much you make. 

‘However… I don’t like your attitude either. If you move into a house that he owns then you should pay SOMETHING for the space. That amount might be a few hundred dollars. It might be half the mortgage. It might be the whole mortgage.

‘The amount doesn’t matter so much as the fact that the two of you need to arrive at a number that is mutually agreeable for the two of you and does not beggar either one of you.

‘Personally, I think half of the monthly mortgage payment is fair. But that is only my opinion. The important thing is that it needs to be an amount the two of you agree on.

‘Overall the two of you need to stop thinking of yourselves and each other as piggy banks and start thinking of yourselves as a team. Otherwise, cohabitation is not going to work well.’

Another suggested that the original poster pay her boyfriend the amount of rent she is paying for herself at the moment. 

A third added: ‘She should pay rent. It’s fair to pay half and half.

‘When I made 150 per cent more than my boyfriend I paid 60 per cent of the rent and he paid 40 per cent but neither of us owned the place so I don’t think that would be fair in this situation.

‘But she still needs to pay rent or not move in. It sounds entitled af to assume you can live with your bf rent free.’ 

Noting the point the original poster made, where she said she would’ve been happy to pay half of his rent, but not his mortgage for the sake of principle, many users asked how her paying him rent any different than paying her landlord

Noting the point the original poster made, where she said she would’ve been happy to pay half of his rent, but not his mortgage for the sake of principle, many users said it is exactly the same thing.

One said: ‘How is her paying him rent any different than paying her landlord rent? I don’t understand. Her landlord isn’t giving her stock in the apartment.’

Similarly, another said: ‘YTA[you’re the a**hole]. If you don’t want to split the expenses half and half, don’t move in.

‘It doesn’t really matter if it’s rent or mortgage seeing as you also don’t get an ownership benefit from renting to a stranger.’

A fourth added: ‘YTA. This is the same as paying rent, that is the logic. It appears that you want to do some upfront costs and skip out on the rent.’

Correcting the girlfriend on the ‘principle’, one said: ‘YTA, the principle is, you need a place, and want to live with your BF (you do right?) and this would be like you paying him rent.

‘Or pay it somewhere else, but that money is leaving your circle. If you paid it to him, it would be yours when you get married (I assume that is the goal of having a BF and moving in with him).’

On the other hand, some users didn’t like the quick decision from the boyfriend to make the mortgage split in two when he found out her salary. 

Another said: ‘NTA  please continue to live on your own terms, but own your place or pay rent. Your boyfriend isn’t even interested in figuring out what your reasonable portion of rent would be.

‘He just wants to cash in on your help. He sounds entitled.’