This Christmas, all any parent wants is to give their child a magical experience.
But for some mothers across the UK, December 25 offers no respite from domestic abuse. This Christmas morning, a lucky few will wake up in a refuge.
In September this year, mothers Ruby*, 33, and Zoe*, 24, escaped to a refuge with their children after being left in fear for their lives.
For Ruby, this will be the first Christmas where she isn’t terrified of her husband harming their three children, Zac*, seven, Daniel*, five and Lila*, one.
This will by Ruby’s first Christmas where she isn’t terrified of her husband harming their three children, Zac*, seven, Daniel*, five and Lila*, one. Pictured, Ruby, with Lila
Zoe told how last Christmas, her husband slapped her at a family party. Pictured, with her son Jack, four, adding decorations to the tree
‘There is nothing in this world I love more than my children,’ she told FEMAIL. ‘My husband said that if I ever reported the abuse to the police, he would kill us.
‘He kicked me in the stomach when I was pregnant, and he would pin me to the wall and choke me. I didn’t know where to turn to for help.’
Meanwhile Zoe, who works part-time as a barista, is adjusting to life as a single mother with her son Jack*, four. She married her husband in 2016.
‘Last Christmas, my husband slapped me at a family party,’ she recalled. ‘He was angry because he thought I was flirting with another man. I was humiliated but he begged me to give him another chance.
Lila, one, helps her mum Ruby (pictured together) decorate the tree as December 25 draws near
Ruby was routinely physically assaulted and verbally abused by her husband. Pictured, Lila, one, helps her mother decorate the tree
‘I was bullied and shouted at every day. Once he stood outside my bedroom door with a cricket bat, threatening to beat me.
‘I didn’t want Jack to see his mummy being hurt, so I saved my tears until he was in bed.’
Devastatingly, two women in England and Wales are killed by a current or former partner every week.
According to Refuge, the country’s largest domestic abuse charity, 328 children will be in one of its refuges this Christmas. But there is scarce funding available to help children cope with the trauma of domestic abuse.
Hairdresser Ruby, who is university educated, met her husband in Africa. In 2012, the couple emigrated to the UK, searching for a better life.
But Ruby was routinely physically assaulted and verbally abused. Two days after giving birth to her second child, she was brutally slapped while in her hospital bed.
‘Everything changed when I fell pregnant,’ she said. ‘My husband subdued me and isolated me. The first time he slapped me, he made excuses. Our relationship was like master and slave.
According to Refuge, the country’s largest domestic abuse charity, 328 children will be in one of its refuges this Christmas. Pictured, a refuge worker places gifts under the tree
Two days after giving birth to her second child, Ruby was brutally slapped while in her hospital bed. Pictured, with her two sons, Daniel (L) and Zac (R)
Ruby told how her relationship with her husband was like master and slave. Pictured, Zac holding a present while sitting on mum Ruby’s lap
‘I was called a “bad mother” and he claimed social services would take our children away. He destroyed things in the house and terrified us.
‘We’d stay with family at Christmas, but I was too scared to tell anyone what he was doing. It took many years to open my eyes to the abuse.’
Figures show that around 30 per cent of domestic violence begins or escalates during pregnancy. Zoe, who is originally from Lithuania and moved to the UK six years ago, experienced similar abuse.
She was attacked by her husband for not earning enough money while pregnant.
‘He got so mad that he started beating me,’ she recalled. ‘I was lying on the floor, hiding my face, begging him to stop. Then, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself inside.
‘My husband was crying and apologising. He said he’d never done anything like that before. I felt so betrayed.’
She gave a statement to the police about the abuse, but was too scared to prosecute.
Ruby’s husband offered no financial support to his family, after leaving their home in 2017 following an argument.
Ruby told how it took her many years to open her eyes to the abuse. Pictured, with her eldest son Zac, seven, posing by the tree
Ruby told how her husband destroyed things in the house and terrified the family. Pictured, carrying Lila in the playroom
After disappearing from their lives for a year, he then began showing up at their children’s school demanding access.
‘I refused to let him traumatise them,’ she said. ‘Social Services were already supporting us, and we were escorted out the back of the building. I fled to a friend’s house before we moved into the refuge.’
On average, a woman will attempt to leave an abuser seven times before she makes the final break.
Earlier this year, Zoe called the police after her husband threatened to kill her. He was arrested and cautioned, but following years of anxiety and terror, Zoe has chosen not to press charges.
‘I’m leaving the past behind,’ she said. ‘Jack loves his new school and we’re looking for somewhere to live.
This Christmas, the country’s largest domestic abuse charity Refuge will be supporting more women and children than ever. Pictured, festive decorations in the playroom
Staff at the refuge will also be able to provide Ruby’s children with a gift thanks to supporter donations. Pictured, a child’s doll decorated for Christmas
‘We’ll be at the refuge on Christmas day, which is hard, but everything I do is for my son. He’s so excited for Christmas.’
Despite being unable to afford presents for her children, Ruby also remains positive. She will be family spending Christmas day with family outside the refuge.
Staff at the refuge will also be able to provide Ruby’s children with a gift thanks to supporter donations.
‘I’m living with my three children in one room, but I feel fulfilled,’ Ruby said. ‘I’ve faced the worst challenges, but I can sleep without worrying for myself and my children.
‘I didn’t realise help was available. If you feel unsafe, you must find support or contact the police confidentially. When you’re safe and supported, you can achieve. My children keep me going and when I see them smile, I can hope again.’
This Christmas, the country’s largest domestic abuse charity Refuge will be supporting more women and children than ever.
To donate to Refuge’s Christmas gift list, visit refuge.org.uk/Christmas.
For support, please call the Freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge (0808 2000 247) or visit nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
*Names have been changed for their protection.
Ruby’s sons Zac (L), seven, and Daniel, five (R), unwrap gifts from Refuge staff
To donate to Refuge’s Christmas gift list, visit refuge.org.uk/Christmas. Pictured, festive decorations in the playroom