Lesbian mothers who had five children with a sperm donor were shocked to discover their neighbour’s children have the same donor father.
Shannon Ashton, 40, and her wife Lisa Quinn, 39, from Brisbane, have three sons Zac, 15, Mackie, eight, Caelan, four, and two daughters, Darcy, 13, and Delaney, one, all fathered by the same donor – a blue-eyed Australian surfer known as ‘John Doe.’
In an interview with Daily Mail Australia, Ms Ashton revealed the shocking moment she realised a baby girl in her daycare provider shared the same father.
‘My eldest was in a daycare provider with a group of just four children. The daycare mum was friends with me and this other same-sex couple who had said the father of their daughter was also a surfer,’ she said.
Upon further discussion, the mums later learned the description of their children’s donors matched, meaning their kids were biologically related.
Modern family: Shannon Ashton (second from right) 40, and her wife Lisa Quinn (far left) 39, from Brisbane, have three sons, Zac, 15, Mackie, eight, Caelan, four, and two daughters, Darcy, 13, and Delaney, one – all fathered by the same donor
Mrs Ashton has revealed the moment she realised her children’s ‘dibling’ – donor sibling – lived in the same neighbourhood
Ms Ashton, who was a new mum at the time, said she was shocked but excited to learn her son had a ‘dibling’ – a donor sibling – nearby.
‘I thought it would be lovely for the kids to grow up knowing one another and having someone to talk to about issues they might face in the future,’ she said.
But the news did not sit well with the other mum, who she says ‘did not cope at all.’
‘They eventually took their little girl out [of daycare] and cut contact with us,’ she said.
Ms Ashton would later come to learn that her sperm donor, who she obtained through Queensland Fertility Group, had fathered 48 children in total, with her 20-month-old daughter being the last.
‘I was shocked, mindblown actually. I thought those things were better regulated and I knew there were guidelines,’ she said.
‘My daughter, 13, is very nonplussed by it all. My eldest son is very interested in discovering donor siblings and the donor. The other three are really too young to understand or to have an opinion.’
Ms Ashton and her wife Lisa would later come to learn that the sperm donor, who she obtained through Queensland Fertility Group, had fathered 48 children in total, with their 20-month-old daughter being the last
Ms Ashton said her children are very athletic due to their father’s athletic background
Ms Ashton revealed at the time she had her first child, sperm donors were not as easy to find and many in the same-sex community used the same clinic and same donor.
Regulations surrounding sperm donors and recipients, however, have since changed in order to ensure donor sperm is evenly distributed to avoid situations such as these.
Recipients of donor sperm are usually spaced out between thousands of miles and restrictions have been set on the number of families donors can service.
‘It was through word of mouth. In the lesbian community we knew to go to this particular donor at this particular clinic and at that stage there was only one, and that’s where you went.
‘So it’s very easy how this would’ve happened because there was a shortage of donors at the time,’ Ms Ashton said.
She and her previous partner had originally requested a donor that their children would be able to contact at the age of 18, but in 2004, she said the laws surrounding donors in Queensland became more restrictive, meaning the kids’ biological father will forever be anonymous.
‘My eldest son grew up with this knowledge so he was pretty devastated to find this out, but after having met his dibling they have been able to connect over their information,’ she said.
She said the family’s unique situation requires the two mums to be open with their children and teach them about the risks of incest and encourage them to undergo DNA testing with future partners.
Although most parents who used a donor parent for their children consider the process taboo, Ms Ashton said she believes offspring have the right to know their biological history
‘We have very open discussions, given the fact that they come from a donor they know they’ll always have to be aware.
‘There can’t be any accidental situations, they have to do their research with their partners.
‘They know that they’re five of 48. It’s a real risk they they can come across, particularly since we come from a same-sex family they’re going to be drawn to people from similar backgrounds because they have common interests.
‘I think it’s a very hairy issue. For some it’s been positive, for others it’s revealed skeletons and you learn things you don’t want to know, she said.
Although most parents who used a donor parent for their children consider the process taboo, Ms Ashton said she believes offspring have the right to know their biological history.
‘It’s sort of like adoption, I see it in the similar way. Some kids must know, others don’t mind either way. There is a very large proportion of people who don’t want anything to do with donor siblings,’ she said.
‘But kids have all the right to know the information. It’s not our place to hide it from them it’s their genetic make up.
‘Every family’s different and there are so many divided opinions about it.’