Nobody saw it coming.
The network that spent years trying and failing to re-heat Honey Badgers and mate Monks was ultimately saved by a singing Prawn – no offence to Lindsay Lohan.
The Masked Singer Australia is in many ways a baffling program, but not when it comes to working out the identities of the ‘celebrities’ wearing the masks.
The Masked Singer unmasked: I reveal every single celebrity identity on the ‘surprise’ hit that shouldn’t have surprised anybody
The first step is to look at the list of the 10-20 on-contract stars Channel Ten use for everything, cross out the ones that can’t sing, and highlight the ones currently trying to flog something.
What you’re left with is a concise list of twelve celebrities and a crippling feeling of regret, as you realise you just wasted 15-minutes that would have been better spent falling into thirst traps on Instagram.
Graciously, I’ve done the hard work for you and worked them all out myself… I think.
Octopus (Big Brother host Gretel Killeen) and Parrot (No ball enthusiast Brett Lee) were unmasked on night one, leaving us with a pack of ten.
Rhino
Who is the Rhino? This one was easy. All it took was a direct question from Brendan’s Fifi, Fev and Byron co-host Fifi Box, who asked: ‘Are you the Rhino?’
This one was easy. All it took was a direct question from Brendan’s Fifi, Fev and Byron co-host Fifi Box, who asked: ‘Are you the Rhino?’
‘I had so many people texting me, texting (my wife) Alex and we couldn’t really write back because we’re under secrecy,’ he said, before screaming internally.
Under secrecy from what, mate? The TV police? Or from that contract Beverley McGarvey made you sign?
What a facepalm moment. In trying to say ‘nothing’, Fevola said everything. I’m not even going to bother getting into the clues on this one. Case CLOSED.
Wolf: Rob Mills
Who is the Wolf? In a move many have called ‘too stupid to be true’ on Monday, a producer spilled the beans in a backstage photo next to The Wolf and an unnamed (and unmasked) woman
Guess who was responsible for The Wolf’s identity being leaked? Yep, the Fifi, Fev and Byron show.
In a move many have called ‘too stupid to be true’ on Monday, a producer spilled the beans in a backstage photo next to The Wolf and an unnamed (and unmasked) woman.
‘Me with @RobMillsyMills earlier today. #MaskedSingerAU’,’ he wrote in the caption.
Millsy! ‘Me with @RobMillsyMills earlier today. #MaskedSingerAU’,’ he wrote in the caption. And unless Rob has changed genders, I’m pretty sure he’s the Wolf
That leaves only three possible explanations: Either Rob Mills has changed gender, Leon Sjogren is living with a rare illness that tricks the brain into believing they’re constantly in the presence of washed up Australian Idol stars, or or Rob Mills is the Wolf.
For the purposes of brevity, let’s just go with option three.
Prawn
Who’s the Prawn: I’ll keep this one short. Channel Ten wants you to believe The Prawn is Kris Smith. But the reason the clues don’t add up is because the Prawn is clearly Jason Donovan
I’ll keep this one short. Channel Ten wants you to believe The Prawn is Kris Smith.
On night one, Dave Hughes flat-out asked Dannii Minogue: ‘is that your ex!?’
But the reason the clues don’t add up is because the Prawn is clearly Jason Donovan.
All you need to do is get through the Too Many Broken Hearts video on Youtube without clawing your eyes out to prove it.
Robot
Who is the Robot? One of my colleagues told me he’d ‘bet his left bo****k’ on The Robot being surfy pop star Cody Simpson. Someone else said they’d bet their’s on singer and MTV personality Timomatic
One of my colleagues told me he’d ‘bet his left bo****k’ on The Robot being surfy pop star Cody Simpson. Someone else said they’d bet their’s on singer and MTV personality Timomatic.
Either way, someone is coming away from this one about 5 grams lighter.
I would give the distinct edge to Cody Simpson, purely because Channel Ten said during initial promos that there was an MTV Award winner in the group.
Both Timomatic and Cody Simpson were nominated for MTV Europe Music Award for Best Australian Act in 2013, but it was Cody who won.
Not me! I would give the distinct edge to Cody Simpson, purely because Channel Ten said during initial promos that there was an MTV Award winner in the group
Spider
Who is the Spider? For my money, the Spider is singer-songwriter Kate Miller-Heidke – and not just because of her trademark ‘ear-biting’ vocal delivery
For my money, the Spider is singer-songwriter Kate Miller-Heidke – and not just because of her trademark ‘ear-biting’ vocals.
Here’s the clues:
‘I like to write. Which is easy when you can hold 8 pens at once. I’m proud to say my words have gone all over the world.’
Kate represented Australia at Eurovision this year, where she performed Zero Gravity – a song she wrote herself.
It’s Kate! Literally all the clues point to Kate, and she’s frequently performed a very similar version of Toxic as the one she performed on Tuesday
‘There is a lot of love at home and I learnt all I know from Daddy Long Legs.’
Kate had to call her father ‘Mr. Dad’ during school hours, on account of the fact he was her principal during year 8 and 9.
None of those identifiers have me more convinced than the fact Kate sang Toxic by Britney Spears on Tuesday night.
Kate frequently sang an operatic parody version of the song during her early touring days. Ignore the wild verses and zoom in on the chorus below and I think you’ll agree.
Alien
Who is the Alien? Don’t let their awful performance on Monday fool you: the Alien is almost certainly a professional singer
Don’t let their awful performance on Monday fool you: the Alien is almost certainly a professional singer.
The clues talk about how Alien ‘appeared out of nowhere’ but ‘trained for years.’ As the story goes, Alien flourished in the spotlight but ‘beamed herself away’ when she became the one ‘being probed’.
This lead many viewers and commentators to guess Sydney 2000 Olympic superstar Nikki Webster. The issue with that? Nikki did not beam herself anywhere. We did.
Not Nikki! The clues talk about a star who came out of nowhere and then ‘beamed herself away’ after the public began to ‘probe’ her. Most people think this points to Nikki Webster
Australia ‘beamed her away’ shortly after realising she was never going to top ‘Strawberry Kisses,’ only for her to pop up years later on the cover of the very classy Zoo Magazine.
My guess is Natalie Bassingthwaighte. Why? Well to be honest, I have nothing else to go on other than the fact Alien sounds more like Natalie than Nikki.
Here’s the problem: The issue with that logic? Nikki did not beam herself anywhere. Australia did, after we worked out she wasn’t going to top ‘Strawberry Kisses’
It’s Bass! My guess is Natalie Bassingthwaighte. Why? Well to be honest, I have nothing else to go on other than the fact Alien sounds more like Natalie than Nikki
The Monster
Who is Alien? I was a big fan on the US season of The Masked Singer. One thing that series taught me is the clues are far more cryptic than they seem
I was a big fan on the US season of The Masked Singer. One thing that series taught me is the clues are far more cryptic than they seem.
For example: NFL Wide Receiver Antonio Brown was constantly linked to freshly squeezed juice and oranges. Why? ‘Because Antonio Brown was born in Florida’.
So that’s why I don’t think Monster, who is being very heavily linked to horse riding, is Melbourne Cup winner Michelle Payne.
Not cryptic enough! So that’s why I don’t think Monster, who is being very heavily linked to horse riding, is Melbourne Cup winner Michelle Payne, or former equestrian competitor and The Project panellist Gorgi Coghlan (pictured)
Likewise, I doubt it’s The Project panellist Gorgi Coghlan, who was formerly a professionally trained equestrian competitor.
My guess? Former Bachelorette Georgia Love.
Take this clue: ‘I’ve always loved horses and horses love this monster. They’re not scared. They can see the real me beneath the monster and give me their best.’
Shortly after Lee Elliott won her heart on season two of The Bachelorette, he slammed the editing for making it look like Matty J was ever in with a chance of winning.
‘It was a one-horse race,’ he said, in a quote that ran across dozens of publications.
‘I’ve always loved horses and horses love this monster’: This clue may well point to Lee Elliott’s famous quote, shortly after he won Georgia’s heart on the Bachelorette: ‘It was a one-horse race’
Lion
Who is the Lion? The majority of fans believe the Lion is soul singer Kate Ceberano, but to me, the vocals and clues point to Casey Donovan
The majority of fans believe the Lion is soul singer Kate Ceberano, but to me, the vocals and clues point to Casey Donovan.
‘As a young lion I entered a competition that would change everything. It’s brought me closer to my idols,’ clearly points to Australian Idol, which Casey won at the age of 16.
‘Young Lion’: The clue ‘As a young lion I entered a competition that would change everything. It’s brought me closer to my idols,’ clearly points to Australian Idol, which Casey won at the age of 16
Dragon
Who is Dragon? The majority of social media viewers are convinced Dragon is Grant Denyer and they’ve got one thing going for them: He is on EVERY OTHER CHANNEL 10 SHOW
The majority of fans are convinced Dragon is Grant Denyer and they’ve got one thing going for them: He is on EVERY OTHER CHANNEL 10 SHOW.
Then there’s the clues that point to Grant’s career as a professional race driver:
‘I guess you could say I’ve done a few more laps than the average Aussie dragon
‘Breathing fire is easy when you have petrol in your veins.’
Zoom zoom zoom! Then there’s the clues that point to Grant’s career as a professional race driver: ‘I guess you could say I’ve done a few more laps than the average Aussie dragon’
Unicorn
This one I’m not so sure on, so I’ll leave it up to you. Ten are really trying to push the idea Unicorn is an international celebrity – but I doubt it.
I’ve never heard an American sing the word ‘Grass’ the way Unicorn did during Perfect on Monday.
The Clues:
‘We unicorns are notoriously shy but I buck the trend. In fact, I’m incredibly social.’
‘I have witnessed many miracles in my time.’
The Clues: ‘We unicorns are notoriously shy but I buck the trend. In fact, I’m incredibly social’ ‘I have witnessed many miracles in my time’