Want a relationship that includes a satisfying and fulfilling sex life?
Keep your eyes wide open for these early warning signs that hint at trouble ahead.
Unhealthy or manipulative behaviours reveal themselves quickly: you just have to know what to look for.
RED FLAGS FROM HIM
Keep both eyes open and on the alert for all the below.
HE DIDN’T WAIT FOR ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT
Is he living under a rock?
Any man under the age of 50 should be aware that he needs to check at every stage that you’re happy to take things further when you first start having sex.
Most couples keep sex simple at the start of the relationships, if he needs an extra kick during the honeymoon period, what will that mean when the relationship progresses? (stock image)
We’re not just talking consent but enthusiastic consent. This means a ‘Hell yes! Don’t you dare stop now,’ answer when he asks, ‘Are you enjoying this? Are you happy to keep going?’. Not a doubtful and unhappy sounding, ‘I guess so’.
Continuing under that circumstance isn’t just a red flag, it’s a possible criminal offence. Unacceptable and dangerous.
Get yourself out of there and don’t look back.
THERE’S PRESSURE TO MOVE TOO FAST
There’s consent and there’s pressure.
You might be OK with having sex with him, just not want to do it straight away. If he insists on having sex before you’re ready (the timeframe you put on it is irrelevant by the way) it shows a lack of respect for your boundaries and comfort level. It also hints at disturbing issues with control and respect.
Equally as alarming, but in a different way, is the guy who pushes for unusual or super adventurous sex a few dates or weeks in.
Most couples keep sex simple at the start: you don’t need acrobats when you’re buoyed by novelty and the cocktail of potent love and sex hormones flooding your brains.
If he needs an extra kick during the honeymoon period, what will he be asking for three years down the track when sex settles into a predictable routine?
UK-based sex expert Tracey Cox (pictured) revealed the top red sex flags to look out for in a sexual partner
HE’S OVERLY FOCUSED ON YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
While it’s lovely to be complimented on your looks, if that’s the only thing he ever seems to notice or comment on, you’re ticking the ‘trophy girlfriend’ box.
Fine, if you’re cool with being wanted purely for what you look like; not so fine if there’s a brain and personality in there as well. (Is anyone happy with being put in the ‘vacuous female’ box?)
Not only does it mean your opinion and perspective won’t be valued, being wanted only for your physical attributes puts you in a precarious position.
What happens if you put on or lose weight? What happens when you age? What if there’s someone prettier, thinner, with bigger lips and breasts competing for his attention down the line?
When someone falls in love with the whole of you – your quirkiness, kindness, fierce intelligence, wit, charm and talent – you’re hard to replace. Pretty girls are everywhere.
Besides, do you really want to be with a man who values appearance above all else? Seriously?
HE’S UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT SEX
A little awkwardness at the start is normal: you’re both feeling your way to work out each other’s sexual norms and boundaries.
But beware someone who clams up whenever sex is mentioned or looks uncomfortable when a raunchy scene happens in a movie or TV show.
Most couples don’t shut up about sex at the start.
You’re forever talking about how great each other is in bed, how hot that session was, what you want to explore, how you’re going to ravish each other the second you’re alone.
It’s only when problems start, that the topic can become off-limits.
It’s hard enough getting over that hurdle. But if you haven’t even laid the foundation for honest, open communication, it will be near on impossible to resolve future sex problems.
If you’re keen, do a bit of probing to find out why he’s reluctant to talk about sex.
A conservative or religious upbringing, perhaps? Lost his virginity late and feels unconfident as a lover?
The most important thing to find out is if he is willing to challenge any unhelpful messaging from the past.
If the answer is yes, give him a chance. If it’s no, exit left.
RED FLAGS FROM HER
Any of the following behaviours are a sign of trouble ahead.
SHE USES SEX TO MANIPULATE YOU
Beware a wildly fluctuating libido. One minute a sex fiend, the next curiously and completely uninterested. Could be she’s using sex to manipulate or control situations – like withholding sex to get what she wants.
If you don’t mind being a puppet on a string (with your penis attached to one end), go right ahead. If you’d prefer sexual authenticity, steer clear.
This behaviour quickly creates a toxic dynamic where sex becomes a bargaining tool rather than a mutual expression of intimacy.
SHE NEEDS CONSTANT REASSURANCE ABOUT HER DESIRABILITY
Being overly dependent on validation hints at deeper insecurities that can place undue pressure on the relationship.
Body image issues have ruined many a potentially brilliant sex life; deep insecurities about her appearance suggest narcissistic behaviour traits.
The first may be tackled with love and understanding. The second casts you into the (largely unappreciated) role of constant reassurer.
SHE WON’T TALK ABOUT CONTRACEPTION
No prizes for guessing why this is a frantically waving red flag. Looking for a baby Daddy anyone?
‘I never liked sex until I met you.’
Your ego might soar, but this is usually an indication that her interest in sex is very low. The chemistry might be intense now but will her overall sex drive match yours in the long-term?
Also be cautious of: ‘Sex with you is like nothing I’ve ever experienced’. Again, flattering. But it can mask issues with sexual compatibility, unrealistic expectations or a history of dissatisfaction.
If her previous sexual experiences have been mostly negative or unfulfilling, find out why.
SHE OVERREACTS TO A PERFORMANCE PROBLEM
Sex at the start is stressful for both of you – but worse for men because everything is on show and obvious.
Not being able to get or keep an erection, ejaculating too fast or taking forever: these sorts of things happen even if (especially if) you fancy the pants off her.
How she reacts in this situation is telling. If I was a man, I’d say it was a dealbreaker.
The only correct response is to dismiss it as nothing. ‘Don’t worry about it! It happens to everyone – we’re both nervous and just getting to know each other.’
Comments like, ‘This has never happened to me before. What’s wrong with you?’ reveal an unrealistic, rigid expectation of sex – and a deeply unattractive nasty streak.
Tracey’s two product ranges, Tracey Cox Supersex and Edge, are available from lovehoney.co.uk (or the lovehoney website in your country). Visit traceycox.com for her podcast, blog and book details.
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Read more at DailyMail.co.uk