The ‘ideal man’, Oscar and #TimesUp
‘Oscar is the most respected man in Hollywood – he keeps his hands where you can see them, never says a rude word and, most importantly, no penis at all.
‘He is literally a statute of limitations, and that’s the kind of men we need more of in this town.’
‘Oscar is 90 years old… he is probably at home right now watching Fox News.’
On Harvey Weinstein, who was expelled from the Academy: ‘What happened with Harvey and what’s happening all over is long overdue… If we can work together to stop sexual harassment in the workplace, if we can do that, women will only have to deal with that every other place they go.’
President Trump
‘None other than President Trump called Get Out the best first three-quarters of a movie this year.’
‘I want to say thank you to President Trump. Remember last year when it seemed like the Oscars were racist? It’s gone, thanks to him!’
Mike Pence
‘We don’t make films like Call Me by Your Name to make money… we make them to upset Mike Pence.’
Women in Hollywood
On Meryl Streep not receiving an Oscar nomination between 1992-1995: ‘The only reason was that she was in prison.’
On I, Tonya dream cast: ‘Whose knee caps did Tonya Harding have to break to get this?’
‘Here’s how clueless Hollywood is about women… We made a movie called What Women Want, and it starred Mel Gibson.’
On acceptance speeches
‘This is a really long show… so whoever gives the shortest speech tonight … will go home with… *a brand new jet ski!* (Price is Right scene)
‘Some of you will be going home tonight with an Academy Award. This year, when you hear your name called. Don’t get up right away. Give us a minute.’
Price Waterhouse (Last year’s Best Picture blunder)
‘What happened last year was unfortunate… I said, “No, I don’t want to do comedy with the accountants.” And then the accountants went and did comedy on their own.”