A woman has revealed the shocking list of demands her brother-in-law made after she and her husband asked him if he would be willing to donate his sperm so they can have a baby.
Reddit user LatePublic took to the ‘AmITheA**hole’ subreddit this week to ask if she was in the wrong for blowing up at her husband’s brother Eric for the way he turned down their proposal.
‘I want to make it very clear that this isn’t about him saying no, it’s about how he declined. If he’d just said no, this wouldn’t be a conversation,’ she insisted.
Yikes: A Reddit user has revealed her brother-in-law refuses to donate his sperm so she and her husband can have a baby unless they agree to his detailed list of demands (Stock Image)
In her post, she explained that she and her husband have been trying to have kids for a while and recently learned he has azoospermia, meaning a complete absence of sperm.
The woman said they have discussed donors, but her husband is only comfortable with it if it comes from his brother.
She noted that adoption isn’t an option for them at the moment because they can’t afford it, and she also doesn’t like the idea of a ‘third party getting to call all the shots.’
‘Eric has donated before in college and currently has a son with a girlfriend,’ she explained. ‘He’s a little smarmy and self important, but not a bad person. So we asked him, and now I have regrets.
‘He sent a very detailed email in which he went into excruciating detail of all the reasons he felt we wouldn’t be good parents, and what we’d “need to change” before he would “give us” a child.’
One of her brother-in-law’s concerns was their income. She said he felt it wasn’t ‘high enough’ and ‘demanded to see financial records.’
‘He wanted to see his brother more advanced/settled in a career, and wanted to know my career trajectory as well,’ she wrote. ‘Both of us have been in the same companies for 5+ years, and don’t have dead end jobs.’
Don’t do it! Many people assured her that she wasn’t wrong for being upset, but they insisted she shouldn’t use her brother-in-law’s sperm under any circumstances
She also noted that he wanted them living in a house and not an apartment.
While some may chalk up his concerns to him wanting what is best for his biological child, he didn’t stop there. He went on to berate them for how they live their lives.
‘He felt that I and his brother needed to get therapy for “being different,”‘ she explained. ‘Along this line, he wanted his brother to “act more normal.” We would also need to convert and follow their family’s religion and “not be a heathen.”‘
The woman once again stressed that she was set off by the way her brother-in-law told them no.
‘I was furious when I received this. HE COULD HAVE JUST SAID NO. That he acted like the sole way for us to have children and like he could control our lives is ridiculous,’ she wrote. ‘I don’t want to adopt BECAUSE I don’t want to have a third party telling me what my standards are. I’d rather be childless.
‘I called him, screamed at him for the horrifying email, and said I wouldn’t want his goods if he was the last person on earth,’ she admitted. ‘My husband is urging me to consider his terms, which I’m not interested in. Am I in the wrong here?’
Many people assured her that she wasn’t wrong for being upset, but they insisted she shouldn’t use her brother-in-law’s sperm under any circumstances because he sounds like he will only continue to make demands.
Should have known: Some people felt the woman shouldn’t have gotten upset because her brother-in-law’s concerns were somewhat valid
‘Your husband should not be considering these terms. I’m sure once a child was born the “terms” would be constantly updated and BIL would be barging in all over the place telling you how to parent,’ one person commented.
‘I can see the brother telling the kid later on that he is his ‘real’ dad just bc he thinks he’s better than them. Adoption is a beautiful thing. Might be worth reconsidering,’ someone else wrote.
Some commenters urged the woman to be patient with her husband because this is undoubtedly a difficult situation for him.
‘Don’t be too hard on the husband. Finding out your sperm doesn’t work is hard,’ one person pointed out. ‘Getting it from [his] brother is [his] last change to be blood related to his child (probably not thinking clearly in the moment).’
There were, however, those who felt the woman shouldn’t have gotten upset because her brother-in-law’s concerns were somewhat valid.
‘This is different from him donating sperm in college. This kid would be his niece/nephew and he would be involved in their life,’ one person wrote. ‘If he’s like this now, he’s only going to be worse if you have a kid this way. But you blowing up at him was not exactly winning either.’
‘I can tell by reading this that we’re getting a very slanted one sided story. What if they’re in a small apartment? If they can’t afford adoption, a baby will probably be a strain as well,’ someone else commented.
‘The religion part is too far imo, but now that this brother is a dad himself he understands what it takes. I wouldn’t give eggs to someone who wasn’t going to give the kid a stable start either.’